At first if you don’t succeed…

My gf’s boob is posted on the Internet. The weird thing is that I am not bothered by it since she shows her boobs to anyone who is interested in seeing one of the (many) piercings (look carefully at the picture if you do not believe me). Besides, she has some of the greatest breasts I have ever seen (yes, I am a boob person, who knew?!). Interestingly enough, the unique hits on her counter have exceeded their usual averages as a result. I think people have been googling “boob” or some variation there of, and stumbled upon her blog absentmindedly. Hence, more hits to her site (she and I are highly competitive and she gets really annoyed when I get more hits to my blog). If her recognition on DC blogs was not enough, she had to underhandedly post a picture of her breast!

So MKD, you think you have won the ongoing competition and have more people visiting your blog. But I am not going down without a fight! I will post a picture of my “hot, Asian pussy” (haha…google that!) and get more hits than you because Asians are the “in” thing :) So here is the picture…enjoy!










Can’t see anything? That’s weird. I totally took the picture in the dark and didn’t use the flash. Look closely. I am there naked, honest.

Captain’s log: It appears to be contagious…

I used to make fun of MKD being a freak magnet. Wherever we go, she gets approached by the weirdest people and has the strangest encounters. I have lived in this area for most of my life and have not had any of these things happen to me. I attributed it to her being from the country and that us city folk could sense and prey on that innocence.

But lately, I have noticed MKD’s magnetism rubbing off on me. My “Don’t fuck with me” attitude is no longer having the same effect, and instead I must be exuding, “Come stalk me!”

Case in point…

This morning while taxiing around the airport, some nasty guy driving a shuttle van called out to me. My windows were down and the speed limit was 15 mph around the terminals, so the elements were conducive to an interaction. He then proceeded to make kissing noises and other lewd remarks.

This is not the first time I have been hit on while in the car. Not too long ago, some guy in a van asked me if I was his “baby mama” while we were at a stoplight. When I replied, “No,” he then followed up with, “Do you wanna be?” Worst pick up line ever. It also did not help that I was stuck in rush hour traffic and couldn’t speed away easily.

I usually do not frequent McDonald’s, but the times that I have, a person working there takes a liking to me. The most notable was this guy in the drive thru window who abandoned his post to come out and talk to me. MKD was in the car, and I told him that she and I were together. That did not deter him and he still insisted on getting my number. When I tried to leave, the car was thrown into N(eutral) instead of D(rive).

The list goes on and on. But the most amusing one worth mentioning is when this guy kept bothering me to pose/model for him in a BDSM clothing catalog. That is something that would have made my parents proud.

So thanks, MKD, thanks. I am a beacon to the freaks.

I really miss my unapproachableness.

Is it natural to not be able to breathe outside?

That is something that floated through my mind as I was walking outside today. The morning news was not kidding when they issued a “heat advisory warning” for my area. People who do not live around here find it weird that we have “bad air days” in which you should only be outside if you HAVE to. If this insane heat and humidity gets worse every year, I do not want to imagine how it will be next year.

I know it is not just me because a co-worker recently concluded that the weather here is like being in “a rainforest” as well as “unbearable” (the latter statement is amusing considering she moved here from New Mexico). I felt the rainforest atmosphere when I took my dog for a walk in the woods over the weekend. The heat and moisture coupled with the birds and other wild animals scampering about did make the rainforest statement ring true. I usually do not sweat that much, so the fact that I had to take a shower when I got home after a ten minute walk is pretty bad. I also discovered that my ass sweats.

Learn something new everyday.

It takes money to make money

The interest for my ING account went up to 3.15%! That’s so much more than my bank ever gave me. I think I earned 0.47% or something crappy like that. I really like my ING account because I forget about it half the time, and the money in there keeps growing and growing. Plus, there is so much to save for (e.g., a residence, wedding, emergencies, the future, etc.), and security in having savings. So if anyone is interested in opening an ING account, let me know and I can refer you. By going through me, you get a 25-dollar opening bonus (free money = good), which is more “interest” than you probably earn all year with a conventional bank. Oh, and it is very secure and FDIC insured, so you can sleep easy at nights.

Now…if only I can figure out a way to win the lottery, I will be set (note: I am not greedy, I just want to be comfortable). Early retirement would be nice (…how sad, I haven’t been in the “real world” that long and I already am looking forward to retirement!) or at least, having the luxury to do what you want when you want to.

Sigh…another day in the life of a corporate slave/whore/peon.

The finer things in life

I got an (extremely) early birthday present from MKD this week. It’s a Samsung MP3 player and so much more! I love it sooo much. It might be small, but it’s not useless (as I have been accused of having an affinity towards). I can transport my large databases to my home PC when I want to “work from home,” AND listen to music (even the radio), AND record songs directly from virtually anything, AND view text and pictures!

(squeezes with joy)

Other great news…the big bosses are on vacation this week, so going to work has been a very relaxed experience. Rolling in at 10 a.m. wearing jeans and a t-shirt everyday has been nice. Must enjoy it while it lasts.

a room with a view

I was told the other day that I am to get a window office as a result of my promotion. They would give it to me now, but we are moving down a few floors at the end of the summer, so it would be pointless to move me twice. So I have to wait a month or so until we move the entire office for my nice view of the city traffic. In addition, I will have my own A/C and heater unit (that will eliminate my need for the rusty fan and dinky heater that I have been using for climate control).

This time, I plan to decorate my office better so it is not so nerdy. No more giant correlation matrices! More pictures and more fun stuff! Oooh…can’t wait.

To Upper Management Employers…

On the radio this morning, there was a brief report about employees’ productivity in the workplace. Apparently, AOL employees in VA were the most inefficient and spent the most time goofing off during the workday. But on average, people “waste” 2 hours everyday in their job and that does NOT include lunch.

Yup, that sounds about right. But a “waste” of 2 hours? I would hardly call it a waste of time. Maybe from the employer’s perspective it is, but to the employees, it is a way to recharge, regain focus, and blow off the steam of monotony. I know for a fact that no one works every minute of every day consistently (especially not the employers). There may be a day, week, or month of that strenuous work during crunch times, but it is not a constant. The last time I checked, we are not freaking machines or monkeys (the top boss thinks he can hire monkeys to push buttons in SPSS…ha!). If we were, we would break free and destroy our oppressors, and then employ some other helpless entity to do our dirty work (the cycle of dominance is fueled by laziness). So really, 2 hours a day is worth the “sacrifice” to never have to deal with pencils penetrating your ear, phone cords stifling your windpipe, or computer cables probing your innards. Right?

All upper management employers should consider themselves lucky.

Don’t call me Oriental…I am not a fucking rug

If it was not already obvious, I’m Asian…well, Japanese American to be exact. I am not FOB (Fresh Off the Boat) by any means considering my family’s roots are in Hawaii for many generations. Oh, and Hawaii is a part of the U.S. (you would be surprised how many people think I am from a “foreign” country/island).

I did not come to terms with the fact that I was different until the third grade when we started learning about Asian cultures. I remember my friends and I making fun of Asians because they have slanted/squinty eyes and smell funny from the weird foods they eat. It was a good laugh at the time, and no one thought anything of it. Then I went home and asked my mom what an Asian was. I was utterly horrified when she replied, “You are, dear.” I remember crying…a lot. So the next day in school when my friends started with the Asian bashing, I pointed out to them that I am Asian. I will never forget that moment of realization when they all stopped and took a good, long look at me. They had forgotten I was Asian too. I do that sometimes, even today. It is hard to remember that I am different all the time.

To complicate my cultural identity further, I have an Asian block in which I do not find Asians attractive and therefore do not seek them out. I know this is horrible and self-loathing, but it is something I have had to deal with my whole life. I don’t know if it has to do with the subtle messages that we receive of American beauty being a Barbie/Ken doll image, or the fact that my parents have pushed my sisters and I to find “a nice Japanese boy” our whole lives and we rebelled. But interestingly enough, I find people who are half Asian to be some of the most beautiful people in the world (e.g., Brandon Lee…need I say more?).

Proudly, the block subsided when MKD, Center, and I went to see, Saving Face recently. I found myself strangely attracted to the leading women and my block did not rear its ugly head. This is a gigantic step for me and I am quite pleased with myself.

On a side note, I did not ogle the screen as much as MKD and Center (they have a bad case of yellow fever and were deliriously happy during the sex scenes). I wasn’t embarrassed until they started wishing and chanting at the screen, “Sex, sex, sex…come on…sex!”

Rut

I miss having summer vacations (i.e., having three months to do whatever the fuck you wanted to and sleeping in until 5 p.m. everyday). Summer does not hold the same meaning for me as it used to. The only “vacations” I have to look forward to are the holidays that the federal government acknowledges, or the time I accrue from slaving 9 to 5 every week. I just came off a three-day weekend, and although nice, was too short. I should have taken off last Friday or today as so many other people did. Must think ahead next time. Too bad the next vacation/day off to look forward to is Labor Day in September. So far away…

Mandatory siestas would be nice and make things somewhat tolerable. Or making the workweek only four days instead of five. But no…things are pretty rigid in my corporate world. Technically, I could work from home, which would save time commuting (takes 45 minutes to go six miles one way). But for some reason I must grace the work place with my presence and kill my car in the process (stop-and-go movement is never good for cars).

It’s going to be a long short week.