Please excuse this post...I need some way to deal

I was just notified that someone from my life has died. If that isn’t depressing enough, he died from a drug overdose—a habit no one could seem to get him to stop. So I guess you could say it is not very shocking that it happened this way. Right now, there is a lot of guilt for not doing something more. Not being there more. Not caring more. Too little too late, I guess.

I was just telling MKD a few days ago that I have been very fortunate to have not lost anyone close to me to death. Any relative that has passed on, had passed on before I was born, sparing me from the pain. But I knew it would happen one day. One day, someone close to me would die, and I would experience for the first time a loss that can never be replaced. I cannot help but think I jinxed myself and those around me.

The funeral is this Friday in which I will see a lot of friends from my childhood. People whom I grew up with and have known for over 20 years.

I will miss you, Paul. You were always so sweet to me even after I broke your heart, and I never thanked you for that. You always looked out for me and protected me in any way you could against the evil Russian. You could always make me laugh with your quirky antics. I will miss you and your free spirit. Please be at peace.