Brief recap

Here are some of the highlights from my two days in a Federal building for the symposium…

The insane security

• Me: (approach the desk with attendants) May I ask a quick question?


• Desk Woman: You have to go through security first.


• Me: (looks incredulously at the security checkpoint 20 feet away) But I just want to ask a quick question to make sure I am in the right location (since I had been redirected previously).


• Desk Woman: You have to go through security first.


• Me: (loud and annoyed) I just want to ask a question!


• Backup: (Big, scary guard approaches with hand on gun)


• Me: (went though security so I could get my question answered)

The cafeteria

• Me: May I please have the chicken sandwich?


• Cafeteria Employee: (reaches hand in vat of yellow liquid pulling out a chicken breast and throws it on the grill). And you?


• My colleague: I’ll have a hamburger, please.


• Cafeteria Employee: (reaches hand in vat of brown liquid pulling out a patty and throws it on the grill)


• Me: (give my colleague a disgusted look and fear dysentery later)


• My Colleague: At least it is going on the grill.

The speakers

• Speaker 1: I’ve actually never looked at this before, but here are my thoughts on the matter.


• Speaker 2: …and that is why we should do [x,y, and z]. I still have yet to look at the it, but it should work.


• Speaker 3: (drones on and on trying to sound intelligent to cover the fact that he has nothing valuable to add)


• Me: (whispers) Why are 90% of the speakers talking about a subject they really have no clue about? I feel like they are saying a lot of stuff but really saying nothing at all.


• My Colleague: Fucking academics.