Thursday, August 18, 2005

Look closely…

Do you see it? I saw it the second I glanced at the new “buffalo nickel.” Yup, that is its dong! (AKA member, schlong, little buddy, magic stick, penis, [insert various euphemism for male genitalia], etc.) It just juts out into the open space and is practically centered so you cannot miss it. I am sure even a blind person could feel the coin and know what it is.

Now that we established that it is there and what it is, we can ask the important questions:
Is it anatomically correct? Is it positioned properly? Perhaps…but more importantly, why is it there? Does it reflect something in American culture? Is it really necessary or could it have been omitted? After all, if it was not there, I would not have questioned it and thought nothing of it. But since it is, inquiring minds want to know why.

So I did some research on the American bison (note: although we call American bison “buffalos,” many believe it is a misnomer). This nerdy statement is what got me into trouble on MKD’s blog. Did you know that both male and female bison have horns? Therefore, the nickel did not have to depict a male bison with its dong calling attention to itself. The nickel could have just as well pictured the female bison and not lose any effect of the grand, massive nature of this creature. Yes…I know that the females are slightly smaller in size. But since it is a depiction of a bison and not the actual thing, the artist could have “scaled up” the animal and us viewers would have been none the wiser.

I know I could easily turn this into a feminist piece and rant about how we live in a male society, and how the fascination with the penis and what it represents underlies our culture. After all, according to “Team America: World Police” and the three types of people, the dicks prevail, right? They fuck the pussies and assholes and reign supreme. Plus, let us not forget the infamous “The Little Mermaid” cover…

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