Friday, May 27, 2005

Where does time go?

The title sounds like a bad joke, but it is actually a serious question. So much to blog about, so little time.

I got the pictures developed from Hawaii (MKD and I are not in the “digital” age and have to care about things like film speed and number of exposures). It is hard to believe that I was physically there and now I am here. We got a lot of great shots of the scenery and of my extended family. It reminds me that I need to keep in better touch with them even though they are thousands of miles away. The hardest part was seeing my grandmother on my mom’s side, who is in a small nursing home for dementia. She remembered me briefly and cried. She will be 92 soon, and has lost the will to walk on her own or feed herself. No one ever thinks they will be spoon-feeding an adult like an infant. When it does happen, it shakes you up and makes you cognizant of how precious life and your health is. In comparison, my grandfather on my dad’s side is going to be 99 this year. He is doing well and still has my grandmother (age 90) to care for him. My father wants to bring the whole family out to Hawaii next year for my grandfather’s 100th birthday, but all the relatives say he is not going to make it and that it is “any day now.” In comparison to some of the people I saw at the nursing home, my grandfather is spry and healthy for his age.

In other news…I came out to my parents last Monday. They were the last people in my life to know because they were the hardest to tell (anyone with knowledge of Asian parenting and culture can get my drift). To my surprise, it went extremely well. I couldn’t have asked for a better scenario. It turns out that they have known for a long time and were fine with it! In fact, they are supportive of my lifestyle and me since it is conducive to my happiness. Plus, they love MKD and feel like she is another one of their daughters! They told me they have always tried to make her feel comfortable and welcome in the family. Their only concern was that I have to deal with closed-minded bigots in the world. The experience was so surreal and completely shocking. I thought I would “knock their socks off,” but instead they knocked off mine. All this time, I thought my parents had been taking denial to a whole new level (they know MKD and I sleep in the same bed and never said a thing), but it turns out that they were waiting for me to come around when I was ready. Then they were there to receive me with open arms. I am very lucky to have supportive parents and I feel a lot closer to them now. Plus, a gigantic burden has been lifted from me after carrying it around for a great deal of my life. Looking back, I should have mustered up the courage sooner, but fear is a powerful, debilitating thing.
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