I fool just as I am

Firsts

2009-05-13T17:48:00.000-05:00

The last post was so bitter. This one won’t be. Maybe. We’ll see.

So I got my first parking ticket EVER! I have been driving for over 13 years and was always lucky enough to avoid these fuckers. But alas, my luck ran out and I got a $40 one yesterday. I was running late for a CPR class at the hospital and parked on a residential road next to the hospital since there was no parking. [Don’t even get me started about the parking situation at the hospital…it is something that frequently rises my blood pressure.] Apparently, you need a permit to park on the road. I threw caution to the wind and crossed my fingers and hoped for the best. But lo and behold, a yellow envelope was under my wiper when I returned. A parking violation on my NEW!!! car.
I love this car. It’s my third baby. I had been shopping around for about a year and finally got the 2009 Honda CR-V in green tea. With twins and all their crap, getting a bigger car made sense for convenience and safety. Squeezing everything into a Nissan Sentra seemed really cumbersome and then there was the problem of where the dog would go. But now, space or safety is not an issue. And it gets the same gas mileage as my Nissan Altima that I traded in. Go figure.

I had tested the Subaru Forester, Nissan Rogue, and Acura RDX as well as researched all the other crossovers and mini-SUVs. But I kept coming back to the CR-V. So far, I really love it. My first new car! I can’t wait to have my babies in it.

The rough road continues

2009-04-13T23:19:00.002-05:00

At 28 weeks and 2 days, our twins Violet and Leo were born. They are in the NICU for a very long time and things are very difficult. We thought the pregnancy was bad, but this is much worse. I found this forum with a compilation of sentiments that hit the nail on the head for me.

Thank you for the congratulations but please don't pretend that everything is wonderful right now and I should be a glowing new mother.

Don’t tell me how it’s ‘no big deal’ and everything will be fine because people have preemies all the time and they are just fine.

Please don't tell me how you know of this other preemie who's now 18 and 6 feet tall and completely healthy.

Please don't compare my baby to other preemies you have known. Maybe I'm the only one but even the positive stories bugged me because I wasn't sure my son was going to be one of them.

Don't tell me how lucky I was to have my babies at the hospital so I could recover and catch up on sleep. There is nothing more in this world I wanted then to have my babies with me at all times. There is absolutely nothing 'lucky' about having babies in the hospital.

Please don't continually ask me when my baby will be coming home. I have no idea.

Please let me know if you are sick. If I get sick, I can't see my baby, so I don't want to risk it. If you are sick at all, please do not come and see my baby.

Don't pester me to see photos of my baby in the NICU. She is naked and in pain and it hurts her dignity to be stared at and gawked over.

Please don't ask questions I can’t answer, like will my baby ever be "normal."

Don’t give me a hard time because I didn’t tell you details about whatever was happening. It was hard enough for me to understand and discuss with my DH.

Don’t keep pestering me for answers. Don’t say- But you said she was doing good. Guess what, that all can change in a second which is why they call it an emotional roller coaster.

Don't ask me what I need. I don't know what I need.

This is my 200th post. Yay me.

Where to begin?

2009-03-26T01:07:00.000-05:00

As many of you know, MKD is in the hospital for the rest of the pregnancy. In a nutshell, MKD’s body does not want to be pregnant and we are fighting hard to keep the babies in. So we have been fighting since March 2nd. It has been a long, hard, and uphill battle. I don’t think either she or I have ever been this stressed out. I got two periods this month from all the stress, which is highly unusual for me since I get a period about every 36 days.

We are currently at 27 weeks. And MKD’s cervix has shortened to 7 mm, threatening to rip a stitch. So we fight for each day which saves our babies double that time in the NICU. I have to yield to the fact that we never got to do all those things we wanted to before the babies came, have less control over MKD’s diet, and no say what drugs are getting pumped into 3 systems.

There is so much to say on everything that has happened, yet I find I have nothing to say. For once in my life, this is something I care not to overanalyze or think about too much.

Because every parent does it

2009-02-25T21:33:00.000-05:00

I am embarrassing my son. Yes, it is before he is born, but whatever. He brought it upon himself by not staying still and flipping around everywhere so this was the only picture we could get of him. He has to learn that his actions have consequences. So here is his penis for the entire world to see:

I am going to be such a great parent.

My girl was as pleasant as ever, which was unusual since she is usually quite persnickety. I swear she is smiling here:

Or has gas. Probably just gas since MKD cannot open her mouth without burping and farts every time she bends over. The unfortunate time was bare butt in my face. The fact that I still love her and find her sexy means it is real love.

Happy Dance!

2009-01-22T06:51:00.000-05:00

I am happy to report that at our 18-week appointment, MKD and I found out that Baby A is a girl and Baby B is a boy!!!

We both are thrilled that we will experience raising both sexes. The “at the same time” bit is a kinda intimidating, but we will get through it. Maybe. Hopefully. Arg.

But yay! Strangely enough, a lot of people thought we were having a boy and a girl, especially MKD. She knew which was which too! Crazy.

So far, these babies have made us so incredibly happy and they are not even born yet! Not to mention the deep love we already have for them. Having a baby really does change everything.

That’s my baby! Er…babies!

2009-01-09T07:22:00.001-05:00

At the 12 week ultrasound, MKD and I got to watch our babies on a huge LCD screen. We were shocked at how much they looked like actual babies and no longer nebulous blobs anymore. For over a half hour, we watched them move around and generally be awesome and cute (my genes after all!). MKD said they looked “Asian,” which made her happy because she desperately wants Asian-looking babies with hair that sticks up. I prefer white babies, but unfortunately the likelihood of having a blond hair/blue eye baby is pretty impossible.

Out of all the possible combinations of twins, my least favorite is girl-girl (way too much estrogen in the house including the pets). We are really hoping for boy-girl so we can have the experience of raising each considering our baby-making quest has been completed in one fell swoop (unintentional, really…who knew 2 frozen embryos would take?!). But I am really hoping for at least one boy to carry on my family name. I hate that this is the way it rolls, but it is what it is--a stupid sexist world. I am the last in my family to have the last name as my parents had 3 girls and my dad was the only boy in his family. So I am the closest thing to a son they ever got and was lucky enough to marry a wonderful woman who hyphenated her last name so our family will all have the same last name. These twins will be the 6th generation in the U.S.

Soon, we will find out the sexes. So far, Baby A seems to be a lot like me: shy and introverted. It was hard to get a decent picture of Baby A:

But the patient technician finally caught the little bugger!

Reminds me of myself since I refused to have my picture taken from age 11 to age 21.

Baby B is more like MKD: gregarious and extroverted. Getting a picture of Baby B was no problem at all as this baby wanted to be seen!

We can’t wait to see them again and love them so much already. MKD’s pregnancy has been pretty damn rough to say the least, but the end result will override all the bad days.

Letting the cat out of the bag

2008-12-30T08:35:00.002-05:00

We're pregnant!!!

Currently at 14 weeks and 6 days :)

Did I mention with TWINS?!!!!!!!

Where Does It Go?

2008-12-10T14:43:00.000-05:00

I just had a long piece of lint in my eye. Actually, it may have been a really thin cat hair. I cannot be 100% sure since I failed at extracting it. As soon as I had felt the discomfort and parts of my field of vision became clouded, I reached for a small pocket mirror in my bag. I didn’t have time to run to the bathroom to wash my hands because every time I blinked, meant a greater possibility of losing sight of the culprit in my ocular cavity. So I poked my dirty finger into my eye hoping the lint would latch onto the drier surface. But no such luck. After many pokes and finger slides, the blinking/eye watering allowed the lint to escape and my vision was clear again.

All this led to me wondering where does the lint go? Is it going to float around behind my eyeball for years to come? Or travel down and get absorbed by other organs? I think this is a fairly legitimate question given that this is not the first time I have lost a piece of lint, dust, eyelash, or gnat in my eye. I would have to say that in my lifetime to date, if you add up all the things unable to be extracted from my eyes, it would be roughly the size of a quarter. A quarter!

While we ponder this all-important inquiry, I leave you with this to allow your brain to melt from the cuteness.

Meeeeeeeelt!

As Seen on TV

2008-11-18T20:18:00.001-05:00

Most amusing thing seen on TV last night...Amish people making electric fireplaces. Check it:

HEAT SURGE! Made by “Real Amish Craftsmanship.”

"The Amish are known for their kindness and humble pride in a job well done. They separate themselves from mainstream society and are recognized for their plain clothing, avoidance of modern conveniences, and superior craftsmanship."

Totally awesome.

“One Step Forward, Two Steps Back”

2008-11-05T10:09:00.000-05:00

That’s how MKD described the results of yesterday’s election. Although we moved forward in some regard, states like California, Arizona, Florida, and Arkansas moved backwards.

A poll from Newsvine had more people disagreeing with the gay marriage bans. Not like it matters now, but provides some comfort nonetheless. What is not comforting is reading the comments from people that support the ban. These comments are highly disturbing and fucked up to me. There is so much I have to say on each of them, and yet they leave me speechless and flabbergasted at the same time. Here’s a sampling (spelling mistakes and all...nothing has been doctored):

“Christianity has just flown out the window! Our new Muslim president is proof of that. The Bible says gay marriage is wrong. I say yes.”

“I respect ones right to choose their partner. But marriage is a choice not a right. I'll give you insurance but not marriage. Sorry”

“This is complete crap that California overruled the people and decided that these fags can wed. But California is the armpit of the US.”

“Absolutely! Homosexual marriage should not be forced on anyone.”

“AIDS: kills Fags Dead!”

“I just think that we have a responsibility to our children to promote a moral society that does not celebrate a self annihilation.”

“"Gay Pride"? thou dost protest too much. A very loud minority; please, shut up for a while. Go find your closet again and give us a break.”

“The positive way of wording this: PRO-marriage. To perserve the moral sanctity of rightful marriage, we must fight against the gay agenda.”

So yeah. I look forward to the day where I am no longer a second-class citizen and an abomination of Man.

Thank God

2008-11-04T23:37:00.002-05:00

My faith in the American people has been restored. Finally, we are moving in the right direction. I was scared of being highly depressed over the results of the election as I have been the past two elections. Maybe one day I will have the same rights as the average American. For now, I will take what I can get.

First Meme EVER!

2008-11-03T17:57:00.000-05:00

As requested/tagged, I am to reveal seven random facts about myself. So I am popping my meme cherry for Graceless.

When I have to pick out a bottle of wine, I pick it based on the label. The most appealing label gets my purchase. I am fickle like that.

I regard my plasma television as one of my “babies.”

I am gassy. Right. Now.

Ever since 2001, I get tired really easily and don’t have the same energy level. I believe that having mono permanently altered my system. But when I was actually sick with active mono, I felt great. Go figure.

If I were wealthy, I would have a personal chef for all my meals and a personal seamstress to custom make all my clothes.

I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. Too bad I am pushing 30.

I spend way too much time at work doing non-work activities and can’t bring myself to be too ashamed about it.

All done. That was harder than I thought. But it fulfills my tagged obligations, albeit late. Better than nothing though as the posts have been far and few between.

Cycle 1

2008-10-16T16:01:00.001-05:00

MKD and I were fortunate enough to split the work that goes into a complete IVF cycle with each other. We can’t imagine how hard it must be for one woman to do everything that we did combined. So here is an outline of events in case anyone is interested.

MKD began her journey on June 26th. She had 7 Lupron SQ shots, 14 DelEstrogen IM shots, and 22 Progesterone in Oil IM shots, for a total of 43 shots. In between shots, there were 3 monitoring appointments (bloodwork and ultrasound).

I began my journey on June 30th. I had 11 Lupron SQ shots, 12 Menopur and Gonal-F SQ shots (combining them cut down a shot everyday), and 1 HCG Trigger IM shot, for a total of 24 shots. In between shots, there were 8 monitoring appointments (bloodwork and ultrasound). I had a couple of extra monitoring appointments because my follicles were not as big as they wanted them, so I had extra days of stimulation. My estrogen level started at 30 in the beginning and went up to 2029 before my Trigger shot.

My HCG Trigger shot happened in the evening of July 19th. Exactly 36 hours later, I had my retrieval in the morning of July 21st. They harvested 18 eggs, 17 were mature. I was super scared before the surgery, but everything went well for my first time under. I don’t even remember lying on the operating table. The last thing I remember was reciting my social security number while standing up and then all of a sudden, I woke up in the recovery area. The car ride home was excruciating as every little bump or crack in the road sent waves of pain throughout my abdomen.

OHSS was a huge risk for me and I did develop symptoms in the evening of July 22nd. My period didn’t come until July 31st, so OHSS symptoms lasted for more than 10 days. There is no “cure” for OHSS, you just have to ride it out and hope for your period which tends to relieve the symptoms. Given my emetophobia, extreme nausea for all those days non-stop was hell. Coupled with intense pain, bloating, diarrhea, etc. left me couch-ridden for an entire week. I gained 7 pounds even though I wasn’t eating. All the weight was fluid filling my cavities making it difficult to breathe and caused coughing, wheezing, and shortness of breath. Looking back, I think I had a mild case and really feel bad for those who develop severe OHSS. If that were me, I would want to be put out of my misery as I have not been this sick in a long time. Reading up about OHSS prior to my retrieval was fine as it didn’t seem too bad. But actually having it was a totally different story. I could not do anything but watch tv and that was hard work. My biggest goal each day was to get a shower and I only accomplished this every other day. If we have to do Cycle 2, I will develop OHSS again. At least I will know what hell to expect.

We did a Day 6 Transfer (instead of Day 5) on July 27th since the embryos needed a little more time to reach full blastocyst. We had 3 embryos develop fully, so we transferred one and froze the other two. I saw the entire transfer on the monitor and it was incredible seeing my baby go into my baby’s belly.

Every second of every day after the transfer was spent pondering and analyzing every symptom that may indicate pregnancy. MKD took a home pregnancy test on August 1st. Way too early (we found out later) so it came out negative and depressed her. She did another one on August 7th before our blood pregnancy test and it was positive…barely. The plus sign was like a ghost image. So we ran to the store and got more tests that clearly state “Pregnant” or “Not Pregnant.” This, time, the test was definitely “Pregnant.” We both cried with happiness that the transfer was successful and we were going to have a baby. MKD retested the next day right before her blood pregnancy test. It was still positive and we were elated. After the bad news (see paragraph below), she tested again the day before her 2nd blood pregnancy test. So the total number of home pregnancy tests was 5. On a side note, those home pregnancy tests are expensive!

Twelve days after the transfer, was our first blood pregnancy test. We went into it confident that it was going to come back positive. But MKD's hCG level was 9, and they wanted to see it around 100. For whatever reason, the embryo had stopped growing. They wanted us to come back a few days later for another test to rule out lab error. On August 11th, we did another blood pregnancy test and the results were as expected: negative. We were both crushed and horribly depressed even though we already knew from the last home pregnancy test. This just made everything final and snuffed out hope of things turning around. MKD stopped her medications and we were back to square one. It was a lot to take after everything we went through, counting all the shots, appointments, and stressful days. Months later, I am finally able to post this.

A Unique Wednesday

2008-09-24T03:32:00.001-05:00

Because it’s my Birthday! And not just any old Birthday, but the same day of the week I was actually born!

With leap years, having your Birthday fall on the actual day of the week you were born is pretty sparse. But there is a pattern to it. For my birth date, the year intervals are: 6, 11, 6, 5, 6, 11, 6, 5, 6, 11, 6, and so on. Assuming that I live to 100 years, I would have only had 14 Birthdays that fall on a Wednesday. This is my 5th one since my birth.

This whole notion made me remember seeing an educational program about significant numbers and also why we should switch to a 28-day calendar. The proponent spouted a bunch of reasons such as corresponding to the phases of the moon (which is not entirely true), all the weeks would be uniform, etc. This 13-month calendar originates from over 150 years ago and is an interesting concept. But it got me thinking about all the celebrations (e.g., weddings) that typically take place over the weekend. So for instance, Saturday the 7th, 14th, 21st, or 28th would be a significant day for most people year after year. The only thing that changes is the month.

To illustrate this concept further, check out a calendar and look at February 2009. Our Gregorian calendar will look like a 13-month calendar (albeit for just one month), which won’t happen again until February 2015.

The Grilling Gene

2008-09-11T18:45:00.001-05:00

I am really not sure why it is perceived that women should cook and guys should grill. Maybe it stems from prehistoric roots where the cave is now a kitchen (enclosed “woman” space), and the man is still outside hunting/grilling the meat. Or perhaps it has something to do with playing with fire that attracts men and deters women. Whatever the reason, if there is a man around, they will man (har, har) the grill. I have seen this for my entire life.

So when people come to my house, they might be surprised to find me, a woman, grilling away. And I am quite good at it too…just ask MKD. Not only had I converted her from being a vegetarian for 9 years, but I have her craving my meat (a delicious double entendre!) all the time. I think it has to do with a grilling gene, typically found in men, that resides in me and interacts with my boy brain. And I like fire too. I feel like Survivorman when I get a fire started. Only I have lighter fluid and a lighter with a long nozzle so I can avoid burning my delicate woman hands.

Things I recently bought: Vol. 2

2008-08-19T21:23:00.001-05:00

People who know me know I am a huge Tori Amos fan and have been for half my life. I think a large portion of my brain is dedicated to her songs as I own every CD she has released and have quite a collection of B-sides.

When I learned of Comic Book Tattoo, I pre-ordered a limited edition copy for less than $100 (retail $149.99). I am actually amazed that Amazon came through given that there were only 1,000 copies released. Tori has some psychotic fans so I was convinced they would be sold out as other distributors already were weeks before the release date.

But the book actually came. I was hesitant to remove the plastic wrap but needed to validate its authenticity and make sure I got what I paid for. Once I saw that the signature was actually real, I could not believe that I managed to get a copy. I have copy #448, signed and numbered by Tori.

Even though MKD is not a collector like me, she suggested I buy an additional paperback copy to read/thumb through/loan out so nothing happens to the limited edition hardcover. That turned out to be a wonderful idea as the limited edition is currently selling for $599 and $695 from two sellers on Amazon, and is about $250+ on eBay with days left of bidding.

Totally awesome.

Things I recently bought: Vol. 1

2008-08-09T14:19:00.006-05:00

People who know me know I have an affinity towards shiny, stabbity things like knives, swords, daggers, etc., and have acquired quite a few in my life. I am not sure where the attraction began or why, but it is just something that has always been. Generally, I have carried a knife on me since high school and find it comes in handy frequently. I have never actually stabbed someone, but have the means to do so, which does provide a strange comfort.

Anyway…

My newest addition was found in Target out of all places. I came across it and just had to have it.

For about 10 bucks, it was quite a deal and one of the cheapest knives I have ever bought. Serrated edges are my blade of choice, and belt clips are a must have. Coupled with its sleek design and solid craftsmanship, this has become one of my favorite knives. It’s an ideal size for carrying around (even in small pockets often found in women’s clothing) and fits perfectly in my hand.

Here’s a shot with a quarter for reference of size.

Swoon. After all these years, my boy brain has yet to desist.

Observation

2008-08-06T07:38:00.000-05:00

While at work, I noticed something strange about my calendar for the month of August…

There are absolutely no noteworthy days in the month of August.

No holidays, no remembrances, nothing. All I have is the phases of the moon and that’s it. All the day boxes are blank. It’s hard to believe that August is the only month of the year that does not have any significant days in the U.S. (or Canada).

Oddly enough, August is the month where the most birthdays fall of the people I know. I can think of at least 10 people off the top of my head and I am sure there are more I am just forgetting. So Happy Birthday to all you born in August! I am sure there are a gazillion of you based on my biased sampling.

Reading

2008-07-25T00:56:00.001-05:00

Generally, I don’t have time to read for pleasure at home. Or perhaps, I just don’t make the time as things that require less thinking, like watching tv, usually win.

At work is a different story. I am in front of a computer all day and get tired of reading work stuff and would rather read stuff I want to read. So given my track record at home, reading therefore takes place at work. But I cannot have my nose in a book when I am supposed to be “working.” So I turned to the wonders of the Internet and found sites such as this one that allow me to read a little everyday and eventually complete books for free. Without these sites, I don’t think I would have finished a book this year.

I recently finished Dracula and Gulliver’s Travels and enjoyed them both. So I stopped in at a local used bookstore to find copies for our library at home. I was able to find the former for $1 and the latter for $2. They were both in good condition in spite of being printed more than a quarter century ago. Happy with my find, I made my way through the maze of bookshelves and stumbled upon this:

Um, somebody lost their pants in the Sci-Fi section.

So if you are looking for your pants, you left them at the used bookstore. Duh.

Stick a fork in me

2008-07-16T17:07:00.000-05:00

After the fifth monitoring appointment, I have about 20 follicles in which most of them are over a centimeter big. My estrogen level is up to about 950 and needs to be at around 1500 before I can do my hCG Trigger shot. Then I go under, which will be my first time ever and I am kinda nervous about, for the egg retrieval.

Depending on how well the fertilized eggs develop will influence when the transfer to MKD will take place. Also, we will decide on how many embryos to use. If they are in great shape, we only need one because if we did two, we would have a very high chance of fraternal twins. If they are not ideal, we might consider using two embryos to increase the odds of a pregnancy. But the chance of fraternal twins is at 20%. Then there is always the possibility (albeit small) that one of the embryos will split on its own and yield identical twins. Anything more than two babies would just be WAY too much.

I think we could swing two though if it came down to it. When we first began this process, I was very anti-twins. But now that we are on the final stretch, I just can’t see us going through this process again and again. So I am preparing for the possibility of twins and am now feeling that it’s not so bad. We can get child-rearing done in one swoop. Two kids are all we wanted, so that would be it for us. The perfect twin situation would be a boy and a girl.

Speaking of twins, I was telling MKD how I think a lot of celebrities are manipulating their pregnancies to yield twins as there seems to be a really high prevalence lately. Twins are not usually a common occurrence, yet celebrities such as Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Lopez, Julia Roberts, and many others have popped out twins recently. Strange.

Redirecting back to me…

My stomach is particularly hurt-y today. I find walking is difficult because the seemingly nominal force from my foot hitting the ground sends shockwaves up my leg and resonates in my abdomen causing wretched pain. The list of ailments continue to grow. That and the list of things that MKD and I can hold over this kid’s head.

Needles and Syringes and Shots, Oh MY!

2008-07-10T23:40:00.000-05:00

The injections, oh the injections! Our bedroom looks like a few hundred addicts shoot up in our room as there is an abundance of needles, syringes, vials, etc. But MKD and I have become quite proficient at administering both subcutaneous (SQ) and intramuscular (IM) injections.

The SQ needles are close to an inch long and are pushed all the way in. Prior to our injections, neither of us knew that the needle has to go ALL THE WAY IN until you hit the bottom of the syringe. These injections go right under the bellybutton area in which you pinch an inch before plunging.

I am on Day 11 of Lupron, which is administered in the morning, every morning. The actual needle going in my stomach feels like a sharp pinch, just like when you get blood taken. Once the needle is removed, there is a slight throbbing pain, tingling sensation, as well as irritation/itching that lasts for about 10 minutes after the shot. It hurts too much to scratch, but I feel like I have to touch it in some way, so I hold a piece of gauze over it until the feeling in my abdomen returns to normal.

The Lupron shots are a dream compared to the Menopur and Gonal-F. These are administered in the evening, every night. It is a SQ injection, so everything is just like the Lupron, but the feeling is much, much different. I don’t know if it is because a considerable amount of liquid is injected all at once or if it is thicker or what. But these shots HURT. Day 1 was okay. But every day since Day 1 has been agonizing and I cried like a baby. Again, the actual needle going in is fine. But it takes a decent amount of time to inject the medication in which every millisecond signifies increasing pain. The best way to describe it is that it feels like acid eating away at me from the inside along with a knife twisting in my belly from the outside. Totally not awesome.

Then there are the side effects. Out of the ginormous list of possible ones, I have had bad headaches every day (some are borderline migraines), decreased appetite (losing weight means not being able to pinch an inch for SQ shots), bloating (haven’t been buttoning my pants for over a week now), bruising/tenderness from my stomach serving as a pin cushion (again, pants are unbuttoned and thankfully no one has really noticed as my shirts adequately cover it), hot flashes (menopause, here I come!), trouble sleeping/waking (tired and awake at the wrong times), nausea (not cool due to phobia), diarrhea (fun!), can cry on cue (I should go into acting for a bit), an extremely short temper (talk about RAGE!), and incredible bitchiness (everything pisses me off and I will let you know that your mere existence is wrong).

Oh and we have to each take prenatal vitamins everyday as well. These pills are fucking huge. Even though there is a sweet-smelling vanilla coating on the outside, the inside is chock full of bluish-purple grittiness that tastes like bitter ass. I have been cutting mine in two and swallowing each half with the occasional one causing pain/stuck-in-throat/OMG get this pill down. MKD has been crushing hers up and eating it mixed in applesauce. She tried putting it in a vanilla milkshake once and that was just plain bad.

MKD had to do Lupron everyday for over a week, and now she is mostly on IM shots every few days (DelEstrogen). Soon, she’ll have to do IM shots every single day for THREE months. My shots are more frequent and plentiful right now, but only until my egg retrieval (which takes place after my Trigger IM shot). MKD will have to endure shots for a waaaay longer period of time. And these IM shots are a lot worse than the SQ ones. The IM uses a needle about 2 inches long. It goes all the way in your lower back area and you spread the skin taught before delving down. Plus, the medication is a lot thicker and takes a lot longer. A major one for her will be Progesterone in Oil. Yup…Oil. I have to heat her skin up before sticking that one in to help facilitate the process.

All this to get ONE try to get pregnant. We’re all paid up for 6 total tries in the Shared Risk program, but after all the injections to date, I think we’ll only do 2-3 before seeking alternative ways to get a baby.

I’ve lost count of the number of visits we have had with the doctors monitoring our progress. I have had blood work (more needles!) and ultrasounds every couple of days. So far, my ovaries are highly active and I have a greater number of follicles than average, times three. As a result, I am at a high risk for Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS). Joy! The one time in my life where overachievement is not a good thing.

Once in a Lifetime

2008-07-09T20:02:00.002-05:00

I recently learned of this dream opportunity. For about $5K you can drive a Ferrari, Lamborghini, Aston Martin, Mercedes, and a Porsche. Not just one car, but ALL OF THEM. You can drive them as fast as you want on a racetrack all day long. Of course there are other perks added to the package which make it seem like an even better deal. For me, the Lamborghini has been my favorite car since childhood, so getting to drive the other cars are just bonuses. Oh and they are all automatic, so I don’t have to learn how to drive stick! Another bonus!

Sigh…if it weren’t for other financial/life obligations, my ass would totally be doing this. Alas, no Super Car Fun Day for me. For now. Or for as long as I can keep my boy brain in check.

Can we do it?

2008-06-17T18:55:00.000-05:00

MKD and I are going on vacation for a week. The goal is to not check our email or go online as Internet connectivity is sparse where we will be. I am not sure who will crack first and if my Inboxes are big enough.

The possibility of living on one income again is scary. It may happen, it may not. But there is definitely a mortgage involved this time around and hopefully another mouth to feed that isn’t furry.

The writers’ strike had little impact as we are still behind on our DVR. With summer shows starting, this is only going to get worse.

Lots of injections in our future. Lots.

Cooking more took a backseat. That and increased intestinal distress. No fresh spinach and water advisories have not helped either.

It’s the battle between the Honda CRV and Acura RDX. Either one is more than I want to spend on something that depreciates. But having a car that doesn’t make bad noises and starts up without fail is important for my family.

New jobs are eluding us. Damn you.

The lifestyles of the rich

2008-05-22T22:12:00.002-05:00

Last weekend, MKD and I finally were able to take our honeymoon to a very nice resort in PA. We got the honeymoon in before our year anniversary and can still be considered “newlyweds.” Buying a house and paying for our wedding in 2007 wiped out all our savings and it wasn’t until recently where we could spend large amounts of money again. At this luxury resort, spending loads of money is very easy.

A primary attraction to this resort for me was the Hardy Family Art Collection valued at almost 50 million dollars. Guests are surrounded by paintings, sculptures, Tiffany lamps, vintage transportation, etc. and can put their grimy prints on them if they wanted to. Anyone in a field related to archiving, preservation, or conservation would have a heart attack at how unprotected these works of art (some deemed 'priceless') are. Guests could flip through complete folios of the Audubon collection and used to have 24/7 access to these works. Each page is valued at $20,000 and there are about 200 pages per folio. Thankfully, the art curator has secured these in recent years, but guests can still view and handle them at their leisure with gloves and supervision. I thought about Center and how she would have a conniption fit at how works were displayed in direct sunlight, carelessly rifled through and handled, etc. I felt like I was in my own personal museum and hope that one day I too can invest a small fortune in art.

To extend this notion of being surrounded by very valuable art and antiques, MKD and I found ourselves at the Tavern on the last night of our vacation. There were four pool tables and were free to guests. But these were not just any pool tables. These were antiques and very nice with intricate inlay and an impressive lion base. I knew they were pretty old when the company name read, “Brunswick & Balke,” as the Brunswick Company has been just “Brunswick” since the 1960s. But I had no idea how old these tables really were until I was able to do some research and found this:

“In 1873, Moses Bensinger helped expand the Brunswick Company by joining forces with a competitor, Julius Balke's Great Western Billiard Manufactory. The new company was called the J.M. Brunswick & Balke Company, and it was incorporated with a capital stock of $275,000.”

Sure enough, I found this picture off an antique pool table website. This picture is the same table I was playing on:

So the table was from circa 1875 that guests can just willy-nilly play on and crap up with their spilled beverages and cigarette ashes. Again, heart attack.

All in all, it was an incredible experience that money can buy. I loved clay shooting with a 28-gauge shotgun (which I now would like to buy (much to MKD’s chagrin) to pursue this sport further), hour long massage, hour long facial, and dining at one of the most luxurious restaurants in the country with a grand tasting, personalized menu consisting of 13 courses and 4 waiters. These were all firsts for me and a glimpse into the lifestyles of the ridiculously rich and wealthy.

It was an amazing long weekend in which I was able to forget the stresses and responsibilities back home and horrors in the world. Everything a honeymoon vacation should be.

Community or “Everything You Have Ever Wanted to Know About Lesbian Baby-Making”

2008-05-07T07:21:00.001-05:00

Note: Misinterpretation of the title may lead readers to believe that this post will contain lesbian sex tactics or techniques. Please remember that lesbian sex lacks one vital element in baby-making: sperm. Hence, no sexual acts are discussed and you will have to go elsewhere on the ‘Internets’ for that.

If you were wondering about the last three posts, there is a reason why I wanted to introduce my “babies.” People who know us, know that MKD and I are in the process of making a baby. People who don’t know us, this is news to you. Yes, we are both female so we have certain limitations in this baby-making process. But we desperately want to expand our family and the number of “babies” (both furry and not).

The process we are using to make a baby is IVF or in vitro fertilization. It is VERY expensive, but we are in a Shared Risk program since neither of us has any known fertility problems. So if a baby is not born after six attempts or we decide to discontinue the process for any reason, we get our money back.

To give the rundown since there are so many inquiries as the concept is so novel, here is a summary:

We are harvesting my eggs by injecting my body with hormones to produce the eggs. We have donor sperm which will fertilize said eggs in a Petri dish. Once an embryo is formed, it will be inserted into MKD’s womb a week later. She will be injected with hormones so her body thinks it is pregnant and the embryo will not be rejected. Only ONE embryo is going in so the chance of multiples is 0.6%. All those freaky fertility families with 8+ children are due to non-board-certified doctors or circumstances where 2 or more embryos were inserted due to the woman being older, wanting to get the baby-making process done once, etc. MKD and I can only have multiples if the embryo splits on its own just like normal identical twins. So in essence, I am the genetic baby mama and MKD is the biological baby mama. MKD will give birth to the baby so I believe she will have automatic custody even though the child will have my last name and DNA. We think I will have to adopt the child once s/he is born. We are in the process of finding a good lawyer and giving the legal system a giant headache.

Going through this process, we are trying to find others who are in the same boat as us or those who have already reached the shore. MKD found a blog about two mommies who have successfully conceived using IUI. Finding this blog then led us to find a plethora of other lesbian baby-making blogs. Before I go further, I have to provide a handy list of acronyms because all these conception blogs are plagued with them and they made my head spin trying to decipher each one. So here are some commonly used acronyms you will find with blogs dealing with TTC or “trying to conceive”:

2WW = 2 week wait after ovulation (to find out if pregnant; also seen “TWW”)
AF = "Aunt Flo" (menstrual period)
BBT = basal body temperature
BFP = big fat positive (pregnancy test)
BFN = big fat negative (pregnancy test)
CD = cycle day (counting from first day of menstruation)
CM = cervical mucus
DPO = days post ovulation
Dx = diagnosis
EDD = estimated due date, or expected date of delivery
FSH = follicle stimulating hormone
FMU = first morning urine
GnRH = gonadotropin releasing hormone
HCG = human chorionic gonadotropin
HPT = home pregnancy test
HSG = hysterosalpingogram
IM = intramuscular injection
IUI = intrauterine insemination
IVF = in vitro fertilization
LH = luteinizing hormone
LMP = last menstrual period
M/C = miscarriage
P4 = progesterone
SubQ = subcutaneous injection
TTC = trying to conceive
Tx = treatment

In searching the lesbian baby-making blogs, I discovered that they are a tight-knit community and all seem to link/know each other. Some blogs are well organized and give the vital stats up front, and others you have to scour them to find what you are looking for. After all my searching, I could not find a single couple who was doing the EXACT same process as us. The closest I found was a couple successful with IVF, but they didn’t use the other partner’s eggs. Not to mention, a lot of couples seem to be TTC for YEARS! I know it is wishful thinking that we get it on the first try. So we are preparing ourselves for the worst and hoping for the best.

Given that we have only like 3 lesbian friends who are not TTC, we are now finding it important to seek other baby-making lesbians and form that sense of Community that we are lacking. Typically, MKD and I are not involved in the gay community nor do we ‘gay bond’ or befriend others just because they are gay. Just like I do not ‘Asian bond’ with other Asians just because we are the minority and there is power and comfort in numbers. All these years of anti/non-bonding has proven detrimental today.

Finding other lesbian couples TTC is a new thing for us, as is seeking entrance into the lesbian baby-making community and we have no idea how to get in. So if someone out there knows the meeting locations, times, and secret handshakes, please email me. My Guide to Being a Lesbian is missing those pages.

Baby pictures - Vol. 3

2008-04-28T04:34:00.008-05:00

Introducing the "baby" of the house even though she is the oldest at 12 years, Anya Sukimoto. We just couldn't resist her fatness and her different color eyes (one green, one black) when we adopted her last year.

Best picture of her eyes I have since it is really hard taking pictures of her. She absorbs light.

She is the biggest cuddle bug. Ever. She just loves to be loved. And warm and snuggly.

She sleeps A LOT. Like her "older" sister and brother, she can be found partaking in R&R throughout the day and night. Their lives are SO hard. Note: Mikie in background also sleeping.

More Anya sleeping on the back of the couch. The dog also does this as she thinks she is a cat. We believe our dog suffers from SID, or Species Identity Disorder.

And sleeping again. Most pictures we have of her are of her sleeping. On my crotch.

Baby pictures - Vol. 2

2008-04-20T15:08:00.002-05:00

Introducing the "middle" baby, Angus Ron McKitty. He was my 25th birthday present and is the gift that keeps on giving. Even though he has the world's stinkiest poop, he is the sweetest cat to three people...MKD, her sister, and me. Everyone else scares him and he spends a lot of time hiding from strangers so they don't touch his furry bits.

See? Totally hiding under the covers!

The cutest kitty pic ever! Green eyes AND a beauty mark...be still my heart.

A recent pic and also the wallpaper on my cell phone. No...I don't have favorites or anything.

One of his favorite activities...sleeping! But curled into the World's Tightest Ball!

Rudely awakened! You have angered the beauty mark that is really masculine. Really.

Baby pictures - Vol. 1

2008-04-17T17:47:00.002-05:00

Introducing my "oldest" baby, Michal Rupert. MKD has had her longer than I have. But she is the reason why I became a dog person.

Really old picture taken with old, crappy camera phone from a couple of years ago. And from the old apartment.

Taken recently with spiffy new phone. And at the "new" house. And the "new" couch.

Her favorite activities...cuddling and sleeping! That and farting.

Happys

2008-04-15T00:19:00.002-05:00

Happy Birthday to my mom! She’s “19” for the 47th time! [when I was really little, that’s the age she would always tell me she was turning on her birthday. Then I learned arithmetic and the ruse was up]

Happy tax day! MKD and I rocked it and got the biggest refund we have ever gotten. Ever. Owning a house rocks!

Happy pre-Birthday to Center of the Universe! We’ve known each other for 17 years. Crazy. I feel old now. Thanks.

Happy weather getting warmer! I do not fare well in the cold. I think it’s embedded in my DNA from being born in Hawaii or something.

To all the other Happys out there…
Happy
Happy
Joy
Joy

Spelling and Pronunciation

2008-04-01T01:53:00.000-05:00

There are two words in the English language that baffle me the most when I see them spelled out. It takes my brain a second or two to realize that how it looks is FAR different than how it is pronounced.

First off, there’s:
bologna
(the lunch meat, not to be confused geographically)

Seriously? I want to say, “Bow - log - nah” when I see this word in print. Not, “ba - lone - y” like how it is pronounced. But from my handy online dictionary, I see that “baloney” is a variant of the original word and most likely developed because too many people were like ‘wtf?’

The second head-scratching word is:
colonel

This looks like it should be said, “cole - own - elle.” The kicker is that it is pronounced just like “kernel.” How? Why? I have no clue. The “er” sound is completely void in the spelling. Magically, the written word produces something sounding illogical. If written = colonel, then speak = kernel.

Yes, the English language is grand and not confusing at all.

CakeLove

2008-03-24T08:16:00.002-05:00

Is rich in many ways. Let’s see.

They are popping up all over the place and expanding into cafes. From exposure on the Food Network and word-of-mouth, this business is raking in the bucks. Given that the story behind the founder is a gem, and the motto/idea is simple: “Cakes from scratch,” it’s no wonder that this take on desserts appeals to people.
But these tasty treats come at a hefty price tag. $3 for a cupcake and $6 for a cheesecake smaller than the palm of my hand is a bit ridiculous. The price would not have been so bad if the product was equally worth it. In my honest opinion, it is not, and I have buyer’s remorse as a result. And diarrhea.

Which leads me to my next reason why CakeLove is rich…
Its flavors, ingredients, etc. are rich. Rich and heavy. Perhaps more than one item leads to intense intestinal distress. So for people with average digestive systems, do not indulge on more than one serving. Consider yourself warned.

Trying to satiate my sweet tooth and treat myself to something celebratory in the completion of a publication led to my wandering to CakeLove. In the future, I know better than to venture there again. I could have gotten better cupcakes from a box mix. The icing wasn’t bad, but my cream cheese icing I made recently was better and I am giving Cinnabon a run for their money. As for the cheesecake, it was not as dense as a typical cheesecake and had a thicker graham cracker crust. But its extremely small size and lack of orgasmic reactions in my taste buds made me think of better uses for my six bucks.

Frankly, Safeway the grocery store has better desserts. For about the same amount of money I spent at CakeLove, I could have gotten one of my favorite desserts:
It has a croissant-type layered, flaky pie crust with large sugar granules on the bottom, with a custard body, and fresh fruit on top (kiwis, strawberries, mandarin oranges, etc.) with a light gelatin glaze. It serves 8-10 people and is fabulous.

In short, CakeLove? No thank you. I have better uses for my money.

PowerPoint Presentations

2008-03-19T22:42:00.006-05:00

The PowerPoint templates that come with MS Office are crap. For many years, my company has been using these crappy PowerPoint templates that are quite hideous. Frustrated when working on a presentation for a conference, I located a graphic design company that had a crapload of decent templates for an annual subscription. I convinced my company to invest in this and then went through all 5,482 templates in my down time at work to download the relevant ones.

Out of all 5,482 templates, there are quite a few that I could not imagine ANYONE using for an actual presentation. But there are two that really stuck out.

The first one is this:

WTF?! Strawberry trees??? I believe the designer was tripping on acid when creating this one.

The second one is this:

Also related to strawberries. Strange. And highly suggestive/sexualized. Probably would yield the most interesting PowerPoint presentation ever.

Spiffy new toy

2008-03-18T07:25:00.001-05:00

MKD and I got new cell phones last weekend with the renewal of our 2-year contract. This marks the fourth cell phone we have gotten through Verizon and is by far one of the best too. It’s the Alias from Samsung.

To make regular calls, open like normal:
ooooohh...

To use full keyboard for text, email, etc., open from side:
aaaahhh...

Having a full keyboard is really convenient and I find that our texts have drastically changed. Texting takes half the time and you can have actual words and sentences instead of abbreviated caveman speak. For example, here is a text I recently sent to MKD:

“My dearest MKD,
I am leaving work now and hope there is not too much traffic. When I get home, we shall make dinner together. How does the Chicken Portobello Wraps with Balsamic Aioli sound?”

With our older phones, the same message above would have been this:

“On way. Chix wrap din?”

Sadly, I think the top message took less time to compose and send than the bottom one.

Childhood Goodness and EXTREME dorkiness

2008-03-13T18:00:00.003-05:00

For those of you less fortunate, you did not grow up playing Contra on Nintendo like I did. Well, I personally did not have a Nintendo as my parents refused to ever get me a video game system in fears of ‘hurting’ the tv. But I did have a best friend/neighbor that had a Nintendo in the basement of his house in which we could play games such as Contra until our thumbs were raw. So really, you were not fortunate if you did not own a Nintendo or did not know someone who let you play with theirs (cough, MKD).

Recently, Contra 4 was released for the Nintendo DS as a 20th Anniversary type of thing (god, I feel old). Not only is it as awesome as I remember from my childhood, but fracking harder since the cheat most people know (up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, select, start) does not work! So I have to beat it the old fashioned way, with tremendous skill and lightning-fast reflexes.

After playing for a few days, level 4 kept kicking my ass until I figured out how to beat it. After that was smooth sailing. As of last night, I beat the game on “Easy” using about 30 lives out of the 50. I was rewarded with just the credits, no ending, since you have to beat the game on “Normal” or “Hard” to see an actual ending. Not to mention, when beating the game on a harder mode, you also unlock older versions of Contra from my childhood days! But beating the game on “Easy” did unlock a challenge mode with 40 tasks of various objectives. This is now my new challenge and I choose to accept it.

Unlike the video games today, I don’t get all nauseated and gross playing this one. [yay!]

Reason # 3 for why ‘It’s Good to be Asian’:

2008-02-29T23:37:00.001-05:00

You look younger than you really are for your entire life.

We really are efficient at everything! [end stereotypical remarks; begin actual content]

I have been carded for Rated R movies when I was old enough to rent a car. There is an age minimum of 25 years for most places, which makes no sense since you can BUY a car before then, die in the military, buy cigarettes/alcohol, have children, be in/acquire porn…
Now I’m getting off topic. Shit.

Anyway, last night’s events took the cake:

*knock on door*

I answer the door to find a young man (YM) in his early 20s standing there with a clipboard.

YM: Hi! Um (peeks a look inside), are your parents home?

Me: Uhhh…no…I mean, I own this house.

YM: Oh! I am so sorry! You just look REALLY young!

Then he rambled on about getting a free estimate for my windows and siding and kept talking about my “husband.” Oh the assumptions people make!

Something I never talk about

2008-02-11T17:41:00.000-05:00

is politics. I abhor the subject, yet I understand its necessity and role and why people are so obsessed with it. But like dating Asians, I have a block. A mental block that stems from my childhood. With both parents working “on the Hill,” politics were both inside the home and out with having to maintain a public appearance, schmoozing, phone lines being tapped, hearing about senator so and so, etc. A kid just wants to be a kid so the brain does something similar to when a traumatic event happens…it withdraws and blocks. I am sure it is plausible that my brain could have done the complete opposite and I would know the ins and outs of the federal government by the age of 10. But it didn’t and makes me who I am today.

So yes, I cringe when politics come up in group conversations and contribute little to them. I am clueless when some random old white dude is in the news about some new scandal (for the record, just as some white people feel all Asians look alike, old white dudes are pretty hard to distinguish from our “slanty” eyes and, yes, we do have them open). I can fake it when I have to, but I’d rather not. In the realm of politics, I am dumb. This is considered a crime living in the DC area. Our politicians are the equivalent of celebrities and I couldn't care less.

In the past, I only cared about elections when it meant my parents would have more job opportunities. But this election has struck a chord with me as it aroused an old memory. In my cultural psychology class in college, discussions about the president came up and I posed the question, “What will happen first in the U.S.: a black male or a white female president?” Both are minorities in the houses of power. Everyone said hands down, a black male president. When asked why, I received answers such as “a woman and her PMS would lead the country to spontaneous wars” and “she would cry/be too emotional to be able to make tough decisions.” There were other sexist remarks as well but no racial ones. Logically, this means that either racism is being erased (yeah, right!) or sexism is more acceptable.

Being a woman and a minority is like a double whammy. Oh and did I mention I’m gay? So yeah, “triple threat” in a bad way. Politically, I fall in with the Democrats, but I do have some conservative views regarding money. Sorry, McCain, I like you personally, but I could never stand behind the majority of your (or any) Republican beliefs.

The Democratic primaries are tomorrow and I have been hearing a lot of things about Hillary Clinton that have been unnerving me. The same sexist remarks back in class 9 years ago are reemerging today along with others like “she is gay” and other people (cough, men) who are willing to vote Republican just because they cannot stand BEHIND a woman. But to be fair, I have heard women say that they want a male president because when something bad happens they need a man who is strong to handle things and then give some analogy using their own marriage. Perpetual societal bullshit.

To me, both Clinton and Obama are equal in the things important to me and match (as best they can) for what I want out of a president. I do not doubt that either would run the country fine. I believe if either were not so stubborn, having the other as their running mate would make for a beautiful combination.

Given that, a choice needs to be made. A tie breaker so to speak. Hearing the sexist remarks and attitudes has swayed my hand. When any past (male) president has shed a tear, it was so “noble and heartfelt” and a good thing. If a woman was to be president and she shed ONE FUCKING TEAR, the nation would go ripshit that she wasn’t “strong enough” or she was too “emotional.” If she looks a bit haggard one day or gains a pound, then it must be PMS or water retention. Or god forbid, she gets pregnant! (but not likely given the age constraints). We all know that once a female displays her capabilities she is unable to play in the boys’ arena and can’t grow those balls back. Why must a woman in power be seen as a “bitch” and other “catty” terms? Just because sexist remarks are brushed off more easily than racist remarks does NOT make them okay.

Oh wait, that was probably too bitchy to say. I must know my place and hope you can forgive me. It must be that time of the month again.

OMGOMGOMG!

2008-02-08T21:59:00.000-05:00

My life is complete. I received the following newsletter (because I am a huge dork)…there are now mini Giant Microbes!

"February 7, 2008

Giantmicrobes, Inc. is excited to announce the release of our new GIANTmicrobes® Petri Dishes.

Each dish contains 3 mini microbes. The minis are about 1/3 the size of the Originals, and are 3X as cute!"

Things get cuter when they are smaller. Since these are small and useless means I must have them!!! OMGOMGOMG!

Best DVD Cover of 2007

2008-01-30T08:11:00.000-05:00

I was browsing on Amazon and happened to come upon this image:

At a quick glance, it just seems like a scene from the movie. But seeing upside-down words got me to really study it. Flipping the image over allowed me to see that “Princess Bride” reads exactly the same no matter which way it is flipped. Kudos to the graphic designer on this one as I would have never thought “Princess Bride” could be read the same upside-down. The font, images, colors, and layout are amazing! Not to mention, the cover really sums up the movie.

Unintentionally, this is a tribute to one of my favorite movies of all time. But the notion that it’s the 20th Anniversary Edition makes me feel a bit old.

Work ate me

2008-01-19T00:16:00.000-05:00

And shit me out and ate me again.

It’s been a helluva two work weeks and my soul is tired. I have accomplished yelling at people for their incompetence, been dubbed “Eagle Eyes,” and helped complete a major publication that has consumed over a year of my life.

Incidentally, this publication was standing in the way of my search for a new job. Let’s hope that 2008 brings new prosperity in the professional and familial realms.

Speaking of the latter, did I mention my left ovary has 20 follicles and my right one has 14? 34 follicles! I came out of the exam room and told MKD that I rocked that shit. I was very tempted to ask if I broke some kind of record as I was very proud of my ovaries. I guess for guys, a comparable illustration would be if they were told they had “strong swimmers” or a “high count.”

If you keep up with MKD, you will know that we bought a scale, which we have been using quite frequently. Not only do we know how much her tits weigh, but I discovered how much my poop weighs:
Weight before poop = 98.2 lbs.
Weight after poop = 97.6 lbs.
Poop = 0.6 lbs

It’s discoveries like these that make me thankful for the existence of sanitation. I am just one person. Times my poop by 300+ million people and you get a shitload (har, har) of poop in the U.S. daily.

Other than work and poop (those two go together well!), I am looking forward to finally getting some much needed R&R, which is one of the best things in the world. Add MKD and the mammimals, and I have an Instant Heaven.

Obsession does a body good!

2007-12-28T16:02:00.000-05:00

This site was passed on to me. Not only do you test and beef up your vocabulary, but you also provide rice for those less fortunate. I was able to get 62 words right in a row, which is amazing since my lexicon is somewhat dreadful. That’s 1,240 grains of rice in someone’s belly thanks to me.

So get to it and do something good with your time!

Shameless Voyeurisms

2007-12-11T22:22:00.000-05:00

I can’t explain it, but...
I am strangely attracted to Dr. G, Medical Examiner.

Is it because she gets really into digging through body cavities? Or is it that she uses tools found in hardware stores to cut away that pesky rib cage? Most importantly, what does this say about me???

Maybe I shouldn’t overanalyze this as usual and just concentrate on the hot History Detective, Elyse Luray.

MKD and my latest obsession (and pathetic excuse for a plug). But PBS, will you please stop doing those weird camera angles between segments and extreme close-ups?! In HD, it is just plain scary. I now know that Tukufu Zuberi has 27 white hairs on the left side of his beard, thankyouverymuch.

Capping off the evening with Sell This House’s Tanya Memme makes for a great night of television...

Meow!

But the Bear is pretty entertaining to watch too!

Grr...
Nothing says "manly-man" like floating candles and a diagonal placement of that couch to really change the aesthetics of a room.

In lieu of actual content

2007-12-03T07:34:00.000-05:00

Animals in costumes are the best!

Oh wait…Halloween is over
…as is Turkey day…

HOLY CRAP! Where have I been?!

Since many have been asking…

2007-11-01T06:45:00.000-05:00

Caffeine withdrawal was really hard the first few days. I took naps in my car for lunch during the workweek to save me from having a keyboard concussion. Things have gotten easier and I don’t need naps anymore, but they are always welcome. I have discovered that caffeine-free Coke is very similar to regular Coke. I sleep harder than before and have more vivid dreams. So naturally I had an anxiety dream a few days in about eating candy and then being in the dilemma of telling MKD I cheated. But the red Swedish Fish tasted oh so good…

Getting through Halloween and post-Halloween was/is difficult. Been offered candy by several people in the office and there are several candy bowls ripe for the picking. I am glad we had a decent amount of trick-or-treaters (n=15!) so the 2 bags of candy we bought are gone and out of the house. As with many things, out of sight, out of mind.

With all these lifestyle changes, MKD and I have put our energy toward the house. The painting is FINALLY done, we have actual window treatments, and there are pictures on the walls! I have also discovered that I have a “natural eye” for all things home decorating as the master bedroom turned out fabulous and the shelves placed in the dining room really create a different atmosphere on the ground level. Our power drill/tools have gotten quite the workout and we are learning a lot as we go along.

The next big lifestyle changes include going to the gym at least three times a week, taking up yoga, and cooking at home more.

I have no idea when we “grew up” and became functional adults. It’s kind of scary and yet calming at the same time.

Vices

2007-10-16T17:57:00.000-05:00

As of today, I am no longer going to consume ANY caffeine or candy.

Since I don’t smoke, drink, or do drugs anymore, I had to look at the next best thing of stuff I “do” and take into my body. Caffeine and candy may be lame, but they are substances I use everyday and are not necessary for my survival.

I have given up caffeine before, so I know it can be done. I was caffeine free for almost two years. Withdrawal was not fun. But once I got my body adjusted, I felt better, went to sleep easier, and actually had dreams I could remember! I am not a coffee drinker, but tea and soda are my weak points. I am going to dread the workweek as I tend to stay up a little too late always (another problem/nasty habit).

I have never given up candy, so I have no idea how it will be. The sweet tooth is something I have had for as long as I can remember. No more chocolate, caramel, chewy Sprees, Swedish fish (red ones only), toffee, Junior Mints, Twizzlers, M&Ms…

This is gonna be tough.

Sadly, this decision was made at 1:07 p.m. today and was not inaugurated by the “last” taste of anything. The last caffeinated beverage I had was a Pepsi at lunch yesterday, and the last piece of candy I had was some chocolate coins and Reese’s after dinner last night.

Groan.

My reasons for this decision can be summed up with the following clichés:

Give and take

Misery loves company

Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today

Actions speak louder than words

‘Til death do us part

I think I might need a helmet

2007-10-09T08:41:00.000-05:00

Over the holiday weekend, I had to go to the hospital for a concussion. Backing up…

I was helping MKD clean her car while we were in MiddleOfNowhere, USA watching her parents’ house. I got up to put something back in the car and nailed the left temple of my head on the top corner of the passenger’s side car door. There is also the possibility that I walked into door as I do not remember the events completely. That being said, I am 94% sure I did not lose consciousness, but I did cut my head and there was some blood. What I don’t understand is why the metal door has such pointy points! They need to round those suckers off to prevent normally-not-so-klutzy people like me from hurting themselves.

I wasn’t initially going to go to the hospital, but there was lots of nausea, dizziness, and general bad foo. Not to mention many people telling me I needed to go. Several scare tactics later, we went.

This was only the second time in my life that I have gone to the ER. Luckily, in Small Town, America, waiting time was minimal. But there were scary sick people and I don’t like those.

After passing the usual tests, the next step was a CT scan to check for internal bleeding. I declined that after weighing the expenses with the likelihood I was going to die. MKD just had to keep a close watch on me for personality changes, blood draining from my nose/ears, death, etc. She woke me up several times during the night to make sure I didn’t slip into a coma and I knew who I was still.

Needless to say, several days later, my temple hurts like no other pain I have felt before. It hurts to blink. If I graze my finger over the area to swipe hair from my face, I yelp in pain. Damaging one of the most sensitive areas of my skull was quite a feat. If it had hit anywhere else like my forehead, I would have damaged the door as I have a freakishly hard head (literally and figuratively).

Stupid, stupid, stupid on my part. Or MKD’s car might be trying to kill me as there was no one around to actually see what happened and it has attacked me before. Anything is possible.

A bittersweet anniversary

2007-10-05T21:20:00.000-05:00

Yesterday marked the one-year anniversary that I have been at my second “real world” job. The phrase, “It’s been a year,” has been going through my head with both shock and disgust. Some days are fine and others have me questioning what the hell I am doing with my professional career (I use that term very lightly).

But I have devised a formula utilizing my daily job satisfaction to predict how long I plan to stay at my current place of employment:
A good day = plus three more months; represented by :)
An okay day = plus one more month; represented by :\
A bad day = negative six months; represented by :(

So from the 1st of this month, we have:
:/ + :/ + :/ + :) + :( = 0.

Please note that the “good” day (Thursday, AKA the 4th symbol) was due to my boss being absent.

May the job hunt begin!

People are strange

2007-09-16T01:13:00.000-05:00

I have one phobia: emetophobia. This is the fear of vomiting, being around others vomiting, or vomit itself. Coincidentally, this is also the order of my affliction from absolute worst to worst, and all my senses are repelled by it. Even seeing the written word or hearing the word begins a panic attack. Plus, there are so many synonyms: vomit, upchuck, throw up, barf, hurl, blowing chunks, puke, etc. that I have to contend with. Reading the Wikipedia article about emetophobia was like reading my life story. I would say it is the root to a lot of my issues in general. At least I know my root.

Anyway, other than my One Big phobia, that is it. But this phobia does transfer into other aspects in my life that could seem like more phobias, but really it is once again, the root. For example, I hate being on the metro or on a plane because of the vomit notion. Because if I feel sick or if someone else is sick, there is no where to run to. And I like to run far from vomit. Very far.

Over the weekend, I was with a group of acquaintances in which we started talking about phobias. It was very interesting to hear what other people are genuinely, illogically, and irrevocably afraid of. One person was deathly afraid of honeycombs and could barely describe it. I had never heard of that one and the closest I could find in my research was:
Trypophobia is the phobia of holes; specifically, naturally occurring holes whether in clusters or not.

Surprisingly, she was not alone and there were many people talking about honeycomb fears in random support groups on the Internet. Another woman had a phobia of Oriental rug stores. I could not find anyone else with this tribulation nor any Greek compound words to label it.

Interestingly, none of the men in the group disclosed a phobia. Machismo culture might have played a role or perhaps biological gender differences. Nevertheless, the topic of phobias has always piqued my interest and I am fascinated to hear different people’s worst fear(s). Not that I would use this knowledge in sadistic torture experiments, but more like a compilation of sorts. There is comfort in knowing you are not alone, and it also raises the bar in the complexity of humans and our psyche.

So…what’s your phobia?

Warranty: Friend or Foe?

2007-09-10T15:05:00.000-05:00

After midnight last night, I prepared to head off to bed by performing my nightly ritual of tidying and locking up the house. Upon opening the closet to where our trash can is located, I was hit with a wall of hot air. There stood the water heater, spewing water, streaming down the sides in mini rivers.

Fuck.

FUCK!

I immediately turned off the water valve and started mopping up the pool of water in the closet. Generally, I loathe plumbing and electric issues. They are the two most hated things in home living and I am not skilled in either of them. When one of them goes wrong, I am at the mercy of the contractors. I don’t care what has to be done or how much it costs—just fix it so I can resume normal living. This is a dangerous mindset. I also want things fixed NOW and hate waiting. I also hate how Murphy’s Law rears its ugly head all too often. Why must the water heater decide to go kaput in the middle of the night on a Sunday???

Frustrated, I popped open the laptop and started doing research. Attempting to diagnose the problem all led to the same solution: call a plumber. Most likely, the water heater would need to be replaced. Okay…how much is a new water heater? A few hundred bucks for the unit. So I braced myself to pay close to a grand when it was all said and done with installation, haul away, any piping work, etc. Distraught and stressed, I finally was able to doze off at 4 a.m. only to wake up 2 hours later.

The water heater was still under warranty. At least, that’s what the housing inspector had told us. According to him, the water heater was only 1-2 years old. After the warranty place finally opened at 8 a.m., I found out that the water heater was more than 5 years old (6 year warranty). MKD and I have lived in our house for about 7 months now. The longer we live here, the more I find our housing inspector was a waste of money and was off the mark on a lot. But that is a whole other rant…

So the warranty place told me that I needed to get in a plumber to retread the valve area. If that didn’t work, call them back. Oh, and they didn’t have any recommended service providers on hand. Useless. So I called around and wanted to get someone in ASAP as I have basically no time to take off of work for the rest of the year. I got someone who would arrive somewhere between 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. from a large, well-known, plumbing establishment, and a dispatch fee of $80. Fuck that. I called someone more local and was able to get a plumber to arrive in 2 hours with no fee. I appreciated the prompt service and like supporting small businesses when possible.

Local plumber took one look and told me what I knew. The water heater was shot and the whole retreading idea from the warranty company was bull. He told me he could install a new one, haul away the old one — everything — for $750. Desperate to use indoor plumbing again, I agreed (MKD and I had gone to my parents’ house to get showers at 6 a.m. and did not want to repeat the following day).

Called the warranty place again while the plumber drained the old one and went to fetch the new one. The warranty place told me in order to benefit from the warranty, I needed to take the old one to Home Depot, have them assess it, they would obtain a new one of the same make and model, and then install it. Now, the only thing I WOULDN’T have to pay for was the actual water heater which was $239. I would have to pay for everything else and take more days off of work to have a new water heater. I crunched some numbers and it did not add up in my favor. The costs of taking off another day (possibly two) from work, figuring out a way to have the transport of water heaters to and from Home Depot, the time and stress, etc. was not worth $239. The “warranty” is basically a piece of shit feature to ease people into thinking they are paying for a good deal and provides a false peace of mind. When it comes down to it, is it really worth the trouble? In my case, far from it. I politely told the warranty place to fuck themselves and felt better about purchasing a whole new water heater which was being installed the same day I needed it to be. Instant gratification was worth the cost this time.

To further ease my mind, I called around to 5 other plumbers (both large and small) for an estimate. I find large companies don’t give you estimates over the phone. They like to send someone out for a free estimate. Waste of everyone’s time, but a tactic to make you go with them given the personal touch and other psychological factors that play into it. Anyway, the estimates I received to supply and install a 50-gallon electric water heater were: $859, $919, $1100, and $1250. In that order, at random, the prices kept getting higher and higher. Granted, I could find prices in the $500 range on the Internet, but I also don’t live in OR or PA. In the DC area, everything costs more off the bat.

Phew. Great deal, fast service, and the plumber took off his shoes every time he entered the house (didn’t ask him to; he noticed the shoes by the front door). New water heater, new warranty (as useless as they are), and new plumber to call for now on (as there are other minor issues that need attention). Not exactly how I'd like to spend a day off from work, but productive nonetheless.

Doctor’s Office

2007-08-29T22:31:00.000-05:00

After a visit to the doctor, it turns out I have a 6 cm cyst inside of me. I have no idea how long it’s been in there, growing, feeding off me. The thought of it is disturbing and I hope it goes away on its own. Will find out more in a month when I am subjected to another vaginal sonogram. Fun.

Reason #547 why I hate being female.

I have been confirmed that I am not quite 5’ 2”…turns out I am 5 feet 1 ¾ inches. So it really rounds to 5’ 2” but MKD says no. I have to stretch my limbs to get that extra ¼ inch.

Reason #479 why I hate being short.

I am also not quite 100 lbs. Truth be told, I don’t think I have ever weighed more than 105 lbs. my whole life. I have always thought something was wrong with me because I can’t pack on weight no matter what I eat or do. But given my family’s size, race/ethnicity, and blood work, doctors have concluded that “some people are just meant to be small.”

Reason #312 why I hate being small.

We all have things that we would change about ourselves if we could. Interestingly enough, I discovered that I hate being female, short, and small in that order. But I have grown to accept these things about me as the cognitive dissonance with how I perceive myself in my head is slowly dissipating.

Don’t be a stingy bastard and

2007-08-23T17:05:00.000-05:00

see this exhibit!

I know people in the D.C. area are spoiled because museums are usually free, but get over it.

Totally worth the $26.50. The things you see are amazing and I stuck my face really close to naughty bits. The book/pictures do not do it justice for seeing it in person and up-close. Plus, you get to play with a brain and a heart towards the end. Resisting the urge to poke at the people in the exhibit pays off!

I must admit, there are parts that are very gross and I think I had a look of disgust/awe the whole time I was there. Learning about the process is fascinating, and the room with the circulation system will blow your mind. The fetal room and the skin room made me a bit icky though.

But seeing our bodies in reality was so incredible and I had no idea the actual size of a lot of parts. It was such a wonderfully educational event and I could not resist splurging at the gift shop and bought the book for the exhibition and also this:

If it’s small and useless, I must have it.

Reliability and Validity

2007-08-09T23:49:00.000-05:00

Aside: Anyone who has ever taken a statistics course should shudder at the two main words in the title.

I was quite shocked to find there is some insightful “truth” to some of those tests floating around out there dealing with personality, interests, etc. Granted, I have no concrete numbers of reliability and validity to back my statement up, only observations and speculations.
Recently, I took two tests pinpointing different facets: career and personality. Yes, there is overlap between the two constructs, but the results were very similar in which one must raise an eyebrow to ponder if there was actual ‘intelligent design’ (using the term way differently than how you are probably used to seeing it) behind the creation of these tests.

Abridged results from career test:
You like job responsibilities that include organizing and systematizing, and professions that are detail-oriented, predictable, and objective, which often leads to work in research, banking, accounting, systems analysis, tax law, finance, government work, and engineering. You perform your job responsibilities in a manner that is orderly, cautious, structured, loyal, systematic, solitary, methodical, and organized, and usually thrive in a research-oriented, predictable, established, controlled, measurable, orderly environment.

Abridged results from personality test:
You are a Faithful Analyst. Your attention to detail, confidence, sense of order, and focus on functionality combine to make you an ANALYST. Your trust in others, respect for tradition, and caring nature make you FAITHFUL. Your perspective on the world is based on careful observation, and you know a lot about how people feel in—and react to—many situations.

It frightens me that my major and my career (which I think of more as a job) falls into place with me. I originally thought there were more disconnects than overlapping linkages, but my Venn diagrams prove otherwise.

New love must run its course

2007-07-31T07:58:00.000-05:00

I have recently discovered the wonderfulness of Craigslist. In the past, I have used it and found it useful. But for the past week, I have been somewhat addicted. Unlike other things in my life, this is just a phase and it will soon pass. But for now, I must obsess.

Yesterday, I got a free TV/VCR combo from someone who was moving and getting rid of stuff. It wasn’t supposed to be free, but he ended up just giving it to me. This means I have to “pay it forward.” But since I sought out the TV as a favor to help someone else out, I preemptively paid it forward. I think.

Since our encounter, I feel like I got away with murder or something and want to ‘pay’ the guy for the goods. I have thought about sending him an Amazon gift certificate or making a donation in his name. I can’t just let someone do something nice because I feel indebted to them somehow until I can do something for them. It’s a complex, I know.

Now, I am working on getting a fire-proof safe from someone else who is moving. Ever since we got the house, we have not found a proper place for the closing documents and deed. Seems pretty important and safe-worthy.

Oh and I also posted my very own ad. Selling old collectible stuff for some cold, hard cash is a good thing. I hope I find a taker. But if there was an award for the most organized, thoroughly anal seller, I would win it hands down. I rock the spreadsheets!

So now I am checking my email constantly to see if people wrote about things I am trying to acquire or cull. Craigslist has really reinforced the saying, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.” At least this time, I am not the trash/treasure as I was referred to the first time I had heard this statement.

It’s been

2007-07-06T21:29:00.000-05:00

Less than an hour and you have emailed me eight times about the fire in your ass that I need to put out. Yes, I got it the first time you sent it. No, you don’t need to come over here across five feet of carpet and ask if I got your email. When your presence beats my preview pane of new emails, we have a problem. Fucking count to five before getting out of your seat after hitting the “Send” button. Or just fucking tell me; don’t email me and then talk to me about the email before I have a chance to actually read the email. Standing there behind me while I read your email is not a highlight of my day. Just like when you watch me do my work from your desk or come by and inspect what windows are open in my task bar before delivering a bullshit excuse for why you came by are no picnics either. Actually, no. Don’t tell me. You repeat yourself a thousand times. Like your emails, I got it the first time. Save my time and my continual repetitions of “Uh-huh,” “Right,” and “Got it.” I’d rather type things like “Fuck off” and sent it in white font in my reply. That brings a millisecond of vindication. Yes, I understand things are urgent and that people want things “Yesterday.” It’s not my fault you sit on things after other people have already sat on them. My coming in early, staying late, and not taking lunches has conveniently gone unnoticed. But the one day when I am seven minutes late, you email me asking me if there was bad traffic or if I had car problems. Next time, I will call you when I am going to be one minute and 41 seconds late so you will know and you can calm the fuck down. But too bad my call will not beat your email that will be waiting in my Inbox.

I need a new job.

Rain, rain…GO AWAY!

2007-06-19T08:48:00.000-05:00

I suddenly have Alanis Morissette’s Ironic song in my head. Except rain on one’s wedding day is just annoying!

I have checked three reputable weather sites and all of them are calling for rain/thunderstorms. I guess the rain plan is likely to be initiated. The ceremony is not long, but having everyone outside might not be the best thing. We are taking pictures before, but still. It is not nice to send people home with pneumonia.

Arg. I should not check weather reports in advance. My fragile nerves! I am hoping that there is a 99.9% chance that weather people are just plain wrong.

Full Speed Ahead!

2007-06-18T18:14:00.000-05:00

Less than one week until The Big Day. I just hope that everything turns out okay. 30K spent on a 5-hour event should come with some sort of warranty/money back guarantee if not fully satisfied.

The bachelorette parties went well and people got to either participate in debauchery/voyeurism and smack spheres around with me, or dine and bar hop with MKD. Some even mixed it up since we have a lot of common friends. But by the end of the night, we joined forces with whoever was still standing.

I had way more than my usual one drink by three. Each drink allowed me to look less at the floor/my shoes and more at the nekkid women flaunting their bits at me. MKD had her usual 15 and I was fearful when I got her home. But the bucket next to the bed was thankfully unused the next day.

As for the actual wedding, the “To Do” list has been hacked away at and a few things remain. Hopefully the weather will hold. It’s supposed to be in the 80s with a 15% chance of rain (last week it was at 35%). There is a rain plan just in case. Unfortunately, there is not a backup plan for other potential disasters like wardrobe malfunctions, me doing something embarrassing, meteor showers, etc.

Being a control freak, it has been difficult to let go and put a lot of faith into other people’s abilities to get things done competently and well. To date, Shitlist = 0. Despite this, my anxiety and sleep still suffers. I think I have ground my teeth down to stubs. MKD may even experience gumming on our wedding night as opposed to 50 years later. She’s a lucky woman.

Random Discovery

2007-05-30T00:39:00.000-05:00

I rarely go to this site to see who links to my blog because, honestly, I do not think too many people that I do not know read it. But I had a few hits from people I have never heard about. One that particularly got my attention was this one. It surprised me to see that MKD was not linked on there but some other DC peeps we know are. After all, MKD likes to rub in the fact that she has “national” recognition with huge blogs like Wonkette…twice!

Furthermore, unbeknownst to me, I was in the running for a “Best of” in which a “Sandy Duncan” and her various eyes, nominated the hell out of me. I received 3.9% of the votes and did not come in last (surprisingly)! I guess Sandy voted for me a few times. Oh, and I did not realize that I had a “messy relationship” or even blogged about it significantly to be considered in this category. Maybe my writings have been misconstrued this whole time. Story of my life, really.

There were a few comments which I did not like concerning Sparkles and just want to put out there that I will put the smack down if I find out who you are because she is a very dear friend of mine. Then again, it might have been other friends of Sparkles with these comments and therefore more of a joking manner not to be taken seriously. But for now, you are guilty until proven innocent in my book.

Oh and another thing worth mentioning, I have surpassed 10,000 unique hits. So for 27 months of posts this leads to an average of about 370 unique hits per month. I guess more people are reading my dribble than I originally thought. Either that or my loyal readers are consistent in cleaning their cache and history daily like me.

Public Service Announcement

2007-05-07T22:01:00.000-05:00

The Dalai Lama is pronounced “Da-lai (with “lai” sounding like “lie”) La-ma.” Not “Dali Lama” (as in Dali like the surrealist artist). Where the second “a” goes in the pronunciation is beyond me.

Americans, stop butchering this. I cringe every time I hear it. Especially news people. You suck.

Just like Genghis Khan. It is more like “Jen-ghis” rather than “Gang-ghis.”

Hear it, learn it, do it:
Dalai Lama
Genghis Khan

This has been a public service announcement. Have a nice day.

Chinese: Day 1

2007-04-24T01:40:00.000-05:00

I work with 2 Chinese employees who are more comfortable speaking Chinese to each other than English. Understandably so, if I were in China, I’d be speaking English whenever possible. Sometimes it is interesting to listen to them speak, and other times I wish I knew what they were saying. So this has sparked my quest to learn Chinese…

(cue inspirational music like “Eye of the Tiger”) Oh yeah! Rock out.

Learning other languages has always piqued my interest, but I have never learned a language proficiently. In school, I took 5 years of Spanish, 1 year of Chinese, and 1 year of Latin. I know a few things in French thanks to MKD, but these are things that would probably get me jumped in France. Oh and I know one Russian curse word thanks to my Russian stalker back in the day.

So this Chinese language undertaking is a pretty overwhelming task. According to one of the people I work with, there are only around 3,000 characters. Pshaw. I can totally absorb that in my sleep!

But to not overload the 3.57% of my brain that I actually use, I am going to concentrate on the oral stuff. Heh.

Given that MKD and I be po’ from the house/wedding (AKA “sudden death” in financial terms), there will be no investment in nifty learning aids like the Rosetta Stone. No, no, I must learn things via the Internet…the free (and sometimes inaccurate, unreliable, and just plain frightening) web o’ knowledge.

I did find this site which has audio features since I suck at deciphering diacritics. So I learned how to describe the color of clothing I was wearing today…hui, lan, and hei. Of course when I relayed this new learning to my co-worker, she thought it was hilarious. Apparently, after saying words like color names, you add a “se” sound at the end. Hmm…seems like an important/practical thing to have conveniently omitted from this website. Bastards.

So if anyone wants to throw money at Rosetta Stone for me to learn Chinese that would be greatly appreciated. I tried to get my co-workers to start immersing me by only speaking Chinese, but they wouldn’t go for that. I guess I would not be very productive for like a year trying to figure out what was being delegated to me.

Sweet Home Alabama!

2007-04-19T23:56:00.000-05:00

So I am here in Alabama in a really huge hotel room with free Internet access! My room is equipped with a kitchenette, sofa, chairs, desk, tv, king size bed, and a huge bathroom. Plus, there is free breakfast in the morning. Pretty awesome.

Being from the D.C. area, one can really appreciate large living spaces. My hotel room in Chicago was nice, but I had a view of a brick wall and had to pay for Internet. Plus, I didn't have as many amenities as I have here in AL. Here in the "country," everything is cheaper and there are wide open spaces (but not much to see/do). I would never live in the south, but visiting is just fine. But the small plane used to get here was not fine.

BTW, I think I am in love with my laptop. It is so great to have on the plane and then in hotel rooms. Makes me wonder what I used to do without it. Just like my cell phone...I have a hard time remembering how I functioned before it.

This is my second business trip ever and I am getting used to being in a hotel by myself. But one worrisome thing was when I started choking on my water a few minutes ago. I could have died. Seriously. I guess the walls are pretty thick because no one has rushed to my aid. It also doesn't help that I am still sick. Hopefully I can get some sleep and not be up all night coughing like I have been.

Well, I need to shower the plane off me and get some sleep. I am meeting up with people bright and early to "get to work." It's sad that I had to play hooky from my main job to come to this job. There's something very wrong with that and I believe it has to do with me not being home cuddled with all my babies. Speaking of which, there has been a new addition to the family...a very fat, black cat with different color eyes. She's 11 years old and we are hoping we can be her "forever home."

On the go

2007-04-11T15:50:00.000-05:00

Just when I think life cannot get any more hectic, it does. Just got back from my first business trip to Chicago, and then I am off to Alabama next week for more business related travel. I am not too big on traveling via plane, so I am not looking forward to it. But I did recently get a laptop (finally all of MKD’s electronic desires have been fulfilled for the next 48 hours!) so that has helped keep me occupied on the plane.

I realized the other day that I have 3 jobs now that pay me money. The main one is the one where I sit in a cube and get free benefits. The second one is why I have been travelling so much this month. Then the third one is helping students out that MKD used to know. Based on how well she knew/liked them is how my pay scale has been going.

Coupled with work, comes the wedding planning and general house stuff. So tired. Also doesn’t help that I have some sort of cold/flu. Trying to kick it in a day so my life can resume at lightning speed. Drank two cups of tea in a half hour. Must pee. Now!

Happy ending?

2007-03-22T17:00:00.000-05:00

I was inspired by the Pirates’ posts about a friend of theirs and it encouraged me to post something I have been meaning to for a very long time.

When 9/11 happened, I was startled at how much history does repeat itself in many ways. Same shit, different day I fear.

This is a copy of a speech by Eric Saul, a U.S. army historian, given at the ceremony to honor Medal of Honor winners William K. Nakamura and James Okubo in Seattle on March 25, 2001. It is very long, but very relevant in today’s situations. It is also something I grew up hearing about from my father who is very passionate on the topic. Most of my classmates had no idea this part of history ever existed since this was not in our books or taught in school. I hope that has changed.

So why was it you Nisei, second generation, born in America, were willing to volunteer for the Army from the plantations of Hawaii, often when you were considered second-class citizens, or from concentration camps in America? Your parents couldn't become citizens or own land, so land was put in your name. Before the war, you wanted to be doctors, lawyers, and professionals, but you couldn't. No one would hire you. So you worked on your family farms, flower orchards, and shops. You were often segregated in the Little Tokyos and Japantowns. You couldn't go where you wanted, be where you wanted, be whom you wanted.

Furthermore, your President, on February 19, 1942, signed an Executive Order that said you weren't Americans anymore, you were "non-aliens." So why did you join the army? Why did you become soldiers, and ironically become, of all things, the most decorated army unit that this country has ever produced?

There were words like giri and on, which your parents taught you. Which means "duty," and "honor," and "responsibility." You had to pay back your debt to your country.

Oyakoko: love for family. Your parents couldn't become citizens, but you loved your families AND you had to prove your loyalty at any cost. You used your bodies as hostages for your families to prove your love for democracy and justice when you volunteered from those camps.

Kodomo no tame ni: "for the sake of the children." Many of you didn't have children at the time, but you knew you wanted to have families. And you knew that you didn't want your children to have to suffer as you did. You wanted your children to be able to be doctors, and lawyers, and professionals. If you went into the military, did your job, perhaps things would change. You knew it, and you fought for it. You even came up with your own regimental motto that's on this honored regimental flag in front of me. It was "Go for Broke." You set the tone for your own regiment, and lived up to its motto. You made democracy work. Because of your wartime record, your children can now be what they want in a country that you wanted for them.

Enryo: humility. There's an old Japanese proverb that says if you do something really good and you don't talk about it, it must be really, really good! You never talked about your wartime record. You didn't tell your children, you didn't tell your wives, and you didn't even tell the country.

Gaman: internal fortitude, keep your troubles to yourself. Don't show how you're hurting.

Shikata ga nai: sometimes things can't be helped. But other times, you have to go for broke, and you can change things.

Haji: don't bring shame on your family. When you go off to war, fight for your country, return if you can, but die if you must.

Shinbo shite seiko suru: strength and success will grow out of adversity. When I was curator of the Presidio Museum, I wanted to know why you joined the Army. Why did you join from a concentration camp? A veteran from Cannon Company named Wally told me a story. His family was sent from Los Angeles to the Santa Anita racetrack, which was an Assembly Center for Japanese Americans. There, they were put in a horse stall. Before the war, they had a flower shop, they had their own home in Los Angeles, and they were a middle-class family. Now they were living for weeks in a horse stall that hadn't been cleaned when they moved in, and it stunk of horse manure. Wally's father said to him, "Remember that a lot of good things grow in horse manure." It did.

I remember hearing a story from a Chaplain Higuchi, the chaplain of the 442nd, who was from Hawaii. I asked him, "How could the Niseis have joined the Army under these circumstances? How could they have done what they did?" Chaplain Higuchi said he himself couldn't understand, because he was from Hawaii and hadn't suffered the same discrimination. But his job as chaplain was to go through the pockets of the Niseis who had been killed in combat. He remembered going through the pockets of one mainland Nisei. In his wallet was a news clipping that told how the family farm had been burned down by racists near Auburn, California. Yet this Nisei still volunteered for the service. Chaplain Higuchi said that there was no medal high enough in this country to give to this Nisei who had been killed and was lying in front of him. Chaplain Higuchi had to write a letter home to his parents.

You Nisei fought for this country, your country. It has taken fifty-six years to get to this point, but you made democracy stand for what it really means. When you came home from the war, President Truman had a special White House ceremony for you. It was the only time that the President of the United States had a ceremony at the White House for a unit as small as a battalion. It was raining that morning in Washington, and Truman's aide said, "Let's cancel the ceremony." Truman said to his aide, "After what those boys have been through, I can stand a little rain." He said to the Niseis, bearing their regimental standard with the motto of "Go for Broke," "I can't tell you how much I appreciate the opportunity to tell you what you have done for this country. You fought not only the enemy, but you fought prejudice and you won. You have made the Constitution stand for what it really means: the welfare of all the people, all the time." Lastly, he advised the Niseis to keep up that fight.

So in the 1980's you fought for redress. One of the reasons that redress passed so overwhelmingly in Congress was the overwhelming record of the 100th/442nd and the MIS. The Civil Liberties Act of 1988 provided an apology for your parents and for your suffering. So on the battlefields of France, Italy and Germany, "Go for Broke" stood for the welfare of all of the people, all of the time.

You never lost faith in your country, and we are here today to celebrate that faith. The result of that faith is that your children can be anything that they want: professionals, doctors, and lawyers. The price that you paid for democracy was the highest combat casualty rate of any regiment that served in the United States Army. The 100th/442nd suffered 314% combat casualties. The 100th/442nd was an oversized regiment, with its own cannon and engineer company, and even its own artillery battalion. The four thousand men who started off in February of 1943 had to be replaced nearly three and one half times. Eventually, about 14,000 men would serve in the 100th/442nd.

I see many of my friends from I Company and K Company here today. In one battle alone, the battle for the Rescue of the Lost Battalion in October 1944, which you fought in, two thousand of you went in to rescue two hundred Texas soldiers who couldn't be rescued by their own division. You went and suffered almost a thousand casualties in that one battle alone, of almost five days of constant fighting. In K Company, you started off with 186 riflemen. By the time you reached the Lost Battalion, there were only eight men standing. I Company did worse. They started off with 185 men. By the time they reached the Lost Battalion, there were only four men still standing in the company. It was unbelievable! You rescued the Texas Lost Battalion, and for that you won two presidential unit citations. The army designated the Rescue of the Lost Battalion to be among the top ten battles fought by the U.S. Army in its 230-year history.

You Niseis ultimately won seven unit citations, and no other unit for its size and length of service has won that many presidential unit citations. Chet Tanaka counted how many citations and how many medals the 100th/442nd earned. Of the fourteen thousand men who served, there were eighteen thousand medals for heroism and service. You had become the most decorated unit in American military history for its size and length of service, and until recently almost no one knew your stories. You really hadn't told anyone, including your families or children. You were truly enryo. If you do something that is really good and you don't talk about it, it must be really good.

Toward the end of the war, in April 1945, the 5th US Army asked you to create a diversionary attack to help break the German Gothic Line. The US Army had three infantry divisions lined up to breach the Gothic Line, which protected the Po Valley and the entrance to Austria. And those three divisions couldn't do it - they were stalemated for six months.

The Army then asked the 442nd, the "Go for Broke" Regiment, to break the stalemate. The commander and officers of the 100th/442nd said to the commander of the 92nd Division, "General Almond, we have a plan. We can create a diversionary attack and break the Gothic Line if you give us 24 hours." The General figuratively fell out of his chair and said, "Impossible. We've had three divisions hammering away at the Gothic Line."

The Germans had their best SS Divisions on the mountains and it was considered an impenetrable fortress. He told the Niseis to "Just create a diversionary attack and we'll do the rest." But you Nisei soldiers had your own plan. You were smart. Your average age was about twenty and your average IQ was 116, which was eight points higher than necessary to be an officer in the army. You were barely a hundred twenty five pounds soaking wet, but you were college-educated, and you were going to "Go for Broke."

So you climbed up that mountain called Mount Fogarito, which the Germans had so heavily fortified. You climbed it where they didn't expect you. It was nearly a 4,000-foot vertical precipice. You climbed the mountain that was unclimbable, in combat gear. The Germans couldn't possibly expect an attack from that point. From nighttime until dawn you climbed, almost eight hours. Men fell down as they climbed the mountain, and no man cried out as he fell, so as not to give away the position. At dawn you attacked, go for broke. You took the mountain and you broke the Gothic Line. It didn't take 24 hours, as you thought, or a few weeks, as the Army had planned. It didn't take six months. The U.S. Army reported that you broke the Gothic Line in only thirty-four minutes!

If the story of the 100th/442nd is unbelievable, there is a more unbelievable story. It is the story of the Military Intelligence and Language Service. More than 6,000 Niseis served throughout the Pacific in a super-secret branch of the military. Niseis provided the eyes and ears of intelligence and language skills that helped to break the stalemate in the Pacific. They broke secret codes, interrogated prisoners, provided valuable propaganda, and translated millions of documents to help win the war in the Pacific. By the war's end, General Willoughby, General MacArthur's chief of intelligence, declared that the Nisei shortened the war by two years and saved a million Allied lives.

Never had so many owed so much to so few. I only wish that a million people could be here to hear your story and know of your service. I wish every American could know your story. We owe a great debt of honor to you Niseis for what you did for the country and for democracy. It is a debt that can never be repaid.

I am here to tell the story for your children, because I know you can't say it. It is a legacy that they must carry on and remember what you did for them and for all of us. Your legacy continues to protect us all.

I remember during the Iranian crisis that there was talk of keeping Iranian Americans possibly in protective custody. Senators Daniel Inouye and Spark Matsunaga said, "You can't do that. That's already been done, and you were wrong then." So your wartime service protects all of us.

You did make the Constitution stand for all of the people, all of the time. History works. You made it work, and you made it work for me, for your children, and for this country.

President Ronald Reagan remembered, when he signed the bill enacting the Civil Liberties Act of 1988, which was called House Resolution 442, that blood that has soaked into the sands of a beach is all of one color. America stands unique in the world, the only country not founded on race, but a way, an ideal."

You Niseis came home, and became what you wanted. Eventually, many of you entered the professions and could go where you wanted and do what you wanted to do. You went about your lives, but you made sure that your parents could become citizens. By 1953, you saw your parents naturalized. Your parents had to wait, in some cases, sixty-five years to become American citizens. And that they could own land for the first time. And that others of Asian descent could own land for the first time. Your greatest success was that your children could be what they wanted to be, without the discrimination that you suffered.

Some of you became lawmakers and entered the House and the Senate. There were more than 590 laws in California in the 19th and the early 20th century against Asians. You fought a fight to make sure those laws were challenged and overturned one by one. We thank the Japanese American senators, Sparky Matsunaga and Dan Inouye, veterans of the 100th/442nd, for doing that. We thank you for your providing the legacy upon which they could fight for those rights. Justice prevailed, and your parents became citizens. We stand at a pinnacle of your history in your golden years. Redress passed and a nation apologized for a terrible injustice perpetrated against its own citizens.

A few months ago at the White House, President Clinton belatedly awarded 20 Medals of Honor to Japanese Americans. Clinton stated in his speech of the Niseis that "in the face of painful prejudice, they helped to define America at its Best."

Last night I was speaking to one of my K Company friends, Tosh Okamoto, and he said to me, "You know, the awarding of the Medals of Honor to our boys is sort of the icing on the cake. I've sort of been angry for a long time at my country and what happened to us during the internment. Getting redress and the apology, and having the country recognize my buddies, lifted a cloud from my head. I now really feel like I'm truly American, and it was all worth it."

So this is the happy ending of the 100th/442nd/MIS story, and I thank you for sharing it with us. I salute you. God bless you. And tell your kids to tell the world!

Wedding Plans: Part II

2007-03-14T03:19:00.000-05:00

MKD and I are in disagreement over the wedding. Specifically, whether or not to include the menu we will be having as an insert along with the invitation. I personally like to know what is going to be available so I can decide if I should eat before I arrive if the food options are crap or pig out at the event. MKD does not think it is necessary to include it.

Here’s the thing. We were originally going to do a buffet with a lot of food choices. But our caterer was able to swing a sit down meal for not much more money so we went with that. So with a sit down dinner, everyone gets the same first course and then you either get the chicken dish or the vegetarian dish as the main course. But there’s another element to it…we are having 6 butlered hors d’oeuvres passed around during the cocktail hour after the reception. My logic is that if someone is not into the first/main course, then they should pig out on the hors d’oeuvres because we have picked out a nice varied selection of unlimited quantities. So if a menu is not included with the invitation, people might hold back on the hors d’oeuvres wanting to wait for the main meal, not like the first/main course, and then be hungry all night. But if the menu options are included, then people can be prepared and know what to expect at the wedding. Make sense?

Other than that, we are working on nailing down a photographer and DJ now. I have a few in the works, but am open to more recommendations. We are quickly running out of time and people are being booked up for the wedding season.

So by mid-April, wedding plans should get cranked into high gear. It is difficult to fathom how all these details and logistics will come together in unison on one particular day during a pre-determined time frame.

Inconceivable!

2007-02-26T08:21:00.000-05:00

Since Valentine’s Day, MKD and I have been putting in massive amounts of man hours into the new place. The past two weeks have been a blur and I can honestly say there has been no free time. It makes me wonder what the hell we used to do with all our time prior to the house-buying experience.

Needless to say, we are exhausted. Mentally drained from our jobs, and physically drained from fixing up our place. Then there’s drainage from money flying out of our wallets at the speed of light, the never ending “To Do” list, and wedding planning. Plus, my brain is trying to recover and catch up from taking in loads of new information with financial lingo like “escrow,” “earnest money,” and “verifiable liquid assets,” and home improvement techniques like spackling, caulking, and painting. Prior to all of this, I had very little experience with large financial matters and handyman skills. So the past two weeks have been crash courses.

But I would like to mention that my dyke status has been bumped up a notch after utilizing my power drill and other various man tools. After ripping up nasty old carpet, there are no more squeaky floorboards, raised nails, or old tacks/staples in the master bedroom. The floor is ready for the new carpet to be installed today. Oh, and why is carpet so expensive?! You need to sell a kidney to afford that shit.

Anyway, thanks to all that have been able to come over and help for the past two weekends. MKD and I greatly appreciated it and are thankful for such wonderful friends. Plus, I would like to send out a special thanks to the Pirates who braved the winter storm and safely navigated us to get supplies and food. If it weren’t for the chains on their tires, I do not think our car would have left the parking lot.

Next on the agenda, moving! Movers come tomorrow. We have packed about 1/8th of our apartment. Holy fuck. Lots of packing to do tonight…

Never a dull moment. Cue violin. I hate moving.

Like a virgin

2007-02-13T22:33:00.000-05:00

All throughout my academic career, I have never given a lecture. Sure, there have been presentations, but never lectures. For me, a lecture is leading a class, and a presentation is more like delivering a speech. There is a fine line in the differences, but they are different nonetheless. To me, a lecture is like a presentation on steroids.

So here I am with less than a week to prepare. The opportunity was sprung up on me only a few days ago so I have to scramble to meet my deadline. I do not want to disclose the topic since I might have the [mis]fortune of having a student that will be in the lecture who reads my blog. But I will let you know that I will be lecturing at the place where I went to graduate school.

A big fear now is that the students will know more than me and I will look like a blundering ass. Another one is that they can smell fear and are not overtly sympathetic. These fears and others are compounded since I am not an expert on the topic and will be researching everything to put something together.

Extra money is nice, but I don’t know if it is worth the stress and anxiety. I have fragile nerves.

Instant Gratification

2007-02-01T19:14:00.000-05:00

I believe that technology and the “Internets” (hehe) have led us to become conditioned to instant gratification. If our whims are not fulfilled in 0.23 seconds, we become pissy and complain about all the things wrong with this world and our lives. After all, it is so tragic.

Being in this mindset, searching for movers has not served my instant gratification needs. I started by trying to find the lowest quote expecting an immediate estimate online. Didn’t happen. Instead, I had to deal with moving companies calling me every half hour in addition to bombarding me with emails to call them. If I wanted personal contact, I would have used something called The Phone Book. I just wanted hard numbers to crunch and compare and all the fine print laid out succinctly so I could then move on to consulting the Better Business Bureau and other consumer reports. But instead, I have to deal with each individually, and when I let one down, I have to hold their hand through the break-up process…

Rejected Mover: “Waaa…Why didn’t you choose me?”
Disgruntled Me: “Because you just didn’t satisfy me in the way I need”
Rejected Mover: “But…but I can do so much better than those other guys!”
Disgruntled Me: (groans) (slaps forehead) “Sure…if you can complete my move for less than $300 and provide boxes for free, maybe we can continue this further.”
Rejected Mover: “Oh. (long pause) I see. Well…good luck then!”

Bah! Don’t advertise on the Internet if you are not going to adhere to the instant gratification standards. “Free online estimates” are anything but.

Oh and on a side note, why the fuck are boxes so damn expensive???

Moving up and out

2007-01-29T02:52:00.000-05:00

As many already know, MKD and I are buying our first place! The planets must have aligned, and we found a place we both agreed on and within our financial reach (barely). We have been working toward this for as long as I can remember by saving and searching, and on Valentine’s Day, we will close. Then it will be hell cleaning, painting, fixing, moving…

So after almost 5 years of being in a 1-bedroom apartment, we are transitioning to a 3-level, 3-bedroom, 2 full bathroom place that looks like a town home, but is technically a condo. It needs some work, but is mostly move-in ready. Given the financial strains of becoming homeowners and paying for the upcoming wedding, we will not be able to do or get the things we want right away. Just when we were enjoying (and getting spoiled by) the benefits of being DINKs, we are getting a double whammy this year. I imagine the place will be pretty bare for a while and we will have to be really good about where we spend our money. The Dollar Menu at McDonald’s will be reserved for going out on “special occasions.” Awesome.

Human Oddities - Part I

2007-01-10T21:57:00.000-05:00

Along with my “Blast from the Past” series, I have been meaning to start a “Human Oddities” one as well. After this one, I will only have one entry of each (see July 2006 Archives for other one). It's a start and will be an ongoing project.

We humans are pretty nasty beings when you really think about it. Actually, life in general is just plain gross. But all that aside, let’s get to the heart of the topic…

Monster Hairs*!!!

Now these hairs are not found in places that are known to have hairs (e.g., head, legs, arms, pubes, etc.). In my life, I have found them on my neck and side. I am not a hairy person (I don’t think Japanese people are in general), and I realize this post would not apply to hairy people.

These Monster Hairs are the thinnest, whitest/blondest, finest, and longest hairs imaginable. They are not the type of hair I have on my person at all, and are freakishly long. The largest one I have found measured in at 4 inches! Crazy!

I found one on my side yesterday that was about 2 inches. If you ever saw it, you would think it was a long piece of lint and not a hair since you can barely see it (we are talking nano-millimeters in width here). The only way I know they are hairs and not something that I happen to find on me is because they get caught on my clothes which alerts me to their presence that they are attached to me. Another perplexing thing about them is that they appear practically overnight. I can check my person everyday and have one the next day all of a sudden. Just to clarify, I only get about one to two a year (I am not that freaky).

So yes, these Monster Hairs are a giant mystery to me and the people I know. I have found them on other people, so I know it is not just me this happens to. Hence, a Human Oddity!

We are strange creatures indeed.

*A term coined by yours truly.

Good things come in small packages

2007-01-06T01:05:00.000-05:00

For Christmas, one of my gifts was a 1 GB flash drive. Just to give those who are not computer savvy an idea of how much space this is, I present the following examples from Wikipedia:

1 Byte is a single character
1 KiloByte is a very short story
1 MegaByte is a short novel
1 GigaByte is a pickup truck filled with pages of text

So yeah. 1 GB is a lot of fucking storage. I put my new toy to good use and archived/backed up my blog on it. It was a long project but a fun one. I went through old posts and realized that our cat used to be named ‘Gus’ and how that didn’t stick. Also, how wee he was and how much he has grown and become an integral part of the family. Not to mention, all the things that have happened to me in the last two years.

When this project was all said and done, it took up about 4 MB on my flash drive (including text, pictures, and template). I still have over 975 MB of storage left (I had other stuff on there already). So that breaks down to about 2 MB per year to cover my life’s events. I am 26 and will live to 100 (for argument’s sake), so that is 74 more years of coverage needed. By the rate I have so far, I will need only 148 MB to incorporate my entire life! That is no where near the 975+ MB I have available. I hope this illustrative breakdown properly conveyed that there is a lot of potential in a device smaller than my finger.

I know there are flash drives available with 64 GB of space, which is a ridiculous amount. I am just waiting for the 1 TB (1 TeraByte = 50,000 trees of paper) flash drive. I predict I will see that come out in my lifetime.

Warning XXX

2006-12-29T06:26:00.000-05:00

I used to have a link to JJ’s blog, Almost Meredith, on my linkies. Well, she killed it, and the link now goes to a free porn site. I had the unfortunate experience of clicking on it while at work and discovered that the blog had been replaced with tits and ass. So be forewarned if you had her linked to your site or go to a site with the link.

After the incident, I ran a virus scan and found I had a Trojan Horse virus. To be fair, I might have had it prior to the porn page, but it is unlikely since my computer automatically gets scanned periodically everyday.

This whole incident made me recall an anxiety dream I had while I was at my last job. I had dreamt that I clicked on a seemingly harmless link and all these porn windows kept on popping open filling my screen. Then a coworker came by and saw my screen and felt the need to take a picture of it and put it in my personal file prior to termination.

I think these types of dreams will start to replace the old ones I would have while in school about missing an exam or class that would be detrimental to my entire academic career. The ‘best’ are the ones where you find out you are enrolled in a class (unbeknownst to you) that you have not attended for the entire semester and you try to take the final exam only to realize you showed up in your underwear.

What I learned from school in the end is:
Sleep deprivation + stress/anxiety = school sucks.

I Think I’m Gonna Like It Here*

2006-12-21T16:45:00.000-05:00

We got an office surprise in which they let us leave in the early afternoon just because. The CEO is really awesome and laid back (and surprisingly handsome if you are into older men) and lets the staff go early when he doesn’t feel like being around.

Then on Friday, we are getting out at 12:30. Super yay! Happy Holidays indeed!!!

I don’t have to use any of my vacation time (how little of it I have to begin with) and get a bit of a vacation. Rock!

So Happy Christa-Kwanzaa-Hanukkah!
[Side note: That could make a really great song with the “a” sound at the end of each word. Speaking of which, where’s my CD of x-mas songs JB and MKD?]

Betch.

*From one of my favorite musical movies. Oh, how embarrassing.

The Root of Attraction*

2006-12-20T08:30:00.000-05:00

As many of you know, I am of Japanese descent, but have white friends that are more “Asian” than I am. I know very little of my ethnic background and do not speak Japanese at all (but I do know some Spanish, Latin, and Chinese as those are the languages I took in school). People I meet are surprised that I am not in touch with my roots. But being 4th generation American, assimilation happens.

Lately, I have become more interested in my ethnicity which was something I had never really embraced but rejected for the longest time. Call it self-loathing or whatever you wish, but I find it is very common among many ethnic groups (usually not 1st generation) living in the United States.

I have a proclivity toward small, cutesy things that are essentially useless and more dust catchers or ‘tchotckies.’ I used to think this was a personality quirk, but now I am beginning to link it to my Japanese roots. Um, Sanrio…need I say more?

One of my friends recently went to Japan and brought me back this:
OMG! I almost died from the cuteness without even knowing what the hell it was.

After searching for English instructions, I stumbled across this site and was immediately drawn to the majority of items. I even created a wish list because there are so many things I want from Japan. I cannot say the same attraction about American goods, so maybe shit like this is engrained in my genes.

Oh and the Walkie Bits are so freaking cute and neat. MKD just didn’t understand the attraction, but I am sure my family will.

*Based entirely on hyperbolic speculation

Leftovers

2006-12-18T22:01:00.000-05:00

From my office holiday party last Friday, there are lots of leftovers in the fridge. Some of those leftovers include beer. Lots of different types of beer. Would it be wrong for people to have one during lunch or take them home? I feel like there should be a camera in the fridge to see who and what time these beers are taken. I have not been here long enough to know the office alcoholics. Every place of work has at least one.

Speaking of the holiday party, I received confirmation on a fellow employee. I had suspected she was gay, but was not 100% sure because my gaydar could be off or malfunctioning. But at the party, we started talking about our pets and I slipped in mentioning that I live with “my girlfriend,” in which she followed up talking about her “girlfriend” and domestic situation. It was like we did a secret gay handshake.

Being gay, you learn little cues to give out to convey gay status without blatantly saying, “I am gay.” In turn, you can figure out other people if you know what you are looking for. But no matter how long you have been gay or practicing this stratagem, you do get blindsided every once in a while. I file those incidents under the list, “I can’t believe that just happened.” Details of said incident are not to follow.

Wedding Plans: Part I

2006-12-01T02:40:00.000-05:00

Even though MKD and I got engaged a year and a half ago, we did not get a lot of things nailed down for the upcoming ceremony on June 23rd, 2007. The venue was taken care of relatively early (we tried for 7/7/07, but the date was taken so we went with the date noted above which is one day before our 6-year anniversary) and that was it. Now, we are scrambling to get things in order and solidify everything. Dollar signs are flying around our heads and the ING account is rapidly dwindling.

This Sunday, we are meeting with a caterer we picked out. Prior to this wedding planning, I had no idea how much catering costs. It is borderline ridiculous the amount of money it will end up being. When we had gotten engaged, I was hoping we would be able to pay for the wedding and put a down payment on our own place, but that was me being way too ambitious and in need of a reality check.

The only other thing done is that we got our wedding bands. I am holding onto MKD’s until the ceremony and I am wearing mine now since I never had (or wanted) a traditional engagement ring. So this ring is my engagement/wedding ring all in one. It took a while to get used to it because I have never worn a ring on that finger (aww, a virgin finger) and is the most expensive piece of jewelry I have and will ever own.

My ring:

My ring with MKD's:

Now it is onto getting the following done (in no particular order): flowers, music, photographer, clothes, shoes, wedding favors, decorations, alcohol, honeymoon, lawyer, hotel arrangements, invitations, registry, and probably a billion other things I am forgetting at the moment.

Blah.

I have a new crush…

2006-11-27T23:11:00.000-05:00

Introducing Lisa Hannigan…Irish (my “people”), hot, and an incredible voice. Sigh. Be still my heart.

Listen to the first minute and 20 seconds of 9 crimes. If you are not completely enchanted, then I think we should end things right now.

Seriously.

This obsession is running deep.

Life’s Events

2006-11-21T21:48:00.000-05:00

Number of couples getting married in 2007: 5
Number of couples having a baby in 2007: 4

None of the couples I know are both getting married and having a baby. Yet. The numbers keep on growing. This is the current count, and I am sure someone will call/email me with news to make me revise the numbers after they read this post.

Wow. I guess this is how old people feel like when they know more people who have died than they do alive. Or not.

But this is a strange phenomenon that spreads like a wildfire in the 20 to 30-something years. I understand the logistics of why, but it still kind of freaks me out nonetheless.

These children are made for working

2006-11-17T07:52:00.000-05:00

I was reading a government publication concerning child labor and came across an outline of approved work for nonagricultural workers under 14 years:

working for parents in non-hazardous jobs

working as actors

delivering newspapers

working casually (e.g., cutting grass, babysitting, chores)

working at home making wreaths composed of certain materials

Um, what was that last one? Huh? Making wreaths? WTF.

So this holiday season, all 13-year olds and younger can feel comfortable making wreaths in their homes across the nation. But only wreaths composed of certain materials! Got it?

At least this whole thing is not vague and is very important like so many other things in our government.

Evolution

2006-11-09T18:21:00.000-05:00

There have been some interesting changes since I started my new job. I have developed cat-like reflexes for switching windows, increased my peripheral vision for spotting screen vultures, and honed my concentration techniques from the abundant distractions. These adaptations to the cube have forever changed me. For better or for worse, I am different. Are you there God? It’s me Margaret.

One thing I have not gotten used to is not being able to do whatever I want to on the computer (within reason of course). I miss my games! Le sigh…Letter Linker no more. Where will my Boggle skills go? Oh and how could I forget Pop & Drop? I miss those wacky colored balls. Heh…balls. At least my 12-year old boy humor is still intact.

The only saving grace is taking out some aggression with Time Crisis 3 AND 4. Lunch now has a new meaning.

Then it is back to my 3-walled prison to rot away the hours left in the day. Occasionally I will spice things up by making faces at the suspicious looking device attached to the ceiling. I suspect it is a camera of some sort. If it’s not, I just look like I am stifling a sneeze to anyone who happens to see my transgressions.

Oh and what the fuck is up with people who feel the need to look in your cube when they walk by? If you are one of those people, stop. Seriously. Just keeping walking, eyes forward. Learn it, live it, be it. If you don’t, you have no reason to be pissed when I flick rubber bands at your face. That and give you paper cuts. Remember, anything can become a weapon. Anything.

Platinum and Titanium

2006-11-06T00:33:00.000-05:00

MKD and I picked out rings over the weekend and went to a really great, gay-owned jeweler in Ellicott City (recommended by friends who were recently married). She was able to find a thin band to slip under her engagement ring, and is having it made in platinum to match. I found a sexy band which we are having made in platinum with titanium inlay. Since I am not a jewelry person, I went all out on the only piece of jewelry I will wear. I liked the idea of having two of the strongest metals available in one ring (how symbolic…heh). But the downfall is that the ring is going to be heavy as shit in spite of it being a size 3 (yes, yes, small fingers). MKD’s is coming from England, and mine from Turkey. I will start wearing mine when it comes in next month since MKD gets on my case about not being openly “claimed.” In college, it was her thong hanging on my wall, and now it is this. At least she doesn’t pee on me to mark her territory.

Where did all the children go?

2006-11-01T20:15:00.000-05:00

I think childhood is dying. Last night when I was at my parent’s house, there was a total of 12 trick-or-treaters. I remember when I was growing up in the neighborhood, there would be kids flooding the streets (school night or not) on Halloween. I think the amount of children in the neighborhood has remained relatively high, so where were all the kids? I bet they were watching tv/playing video games and stuffing their faces with candy their parents bought. Halloween is about getting out and working for your candy before you stuff your face full of it, damnit. There is nothing like the thrill of going out at night and getting potentially abducted or poisoned candy. I shudder to think how these children will turn out without the formative childhood traditions.

So the 12 kids that did come to the door got two handfuls of candy each. That was positive reinforcement for their future.

But the highlight (using that term extremely loosely) of the evening was when my mom asked me why I was not out trick-or-treating. Um, I’m 26. Then she told me that I would pass and could go out if I wanted to. Thanks, mom. Thanks.

Someone got paid

2006-10-19T21:01:00.000-05:00

for this? (click on image to view picture better)

Some graphic designer out there got paid to make this logo. The color scheme and pattern make absolutely no sense! The first letter has a navy color, and then the second letter is almost a light blue. If the person had continued to follow this logic, it would have been consistent throughout due to an equal number of letters (n=14) and there would have been a discernible pattern. But instead, the pattern gets all messed up and there are two dark blues (perhaps one of them is a dark purple?) which is then followed by three dark colors clumped in the middle-ish before going back to the one-to-one pattern. Huh?

The only logic I can decipher is that if you fold it in half after the 7th letter, the colors mirror each other except for the ‘U S’ in the middle. When it gets divided, it has the opposite color scheme of the ‘U S’ at the beginning of the text.

That’s all I got. Oh, and I’m bored. Pretty evident though.

It’s that time again

2006-10-11T22:44:00.000-05:00

That I should update and not neglect the blog. I knew hell froze over when 1225 Sunrise updated. That’s when I kicked my own ass to get on this.

So the new job is okay. The one thing that I really do not like is that I gave up a corner window office with my own heater/air conditioner for (wait for it)…a cubicle! Yes, I moved “up” the ladder to a cube. Funny that.

Officially, I have not gone into the cube yet. The office is being fully renovated, so I am currently sharing an office. At this point, I am actually looking forward to getting a cube so I have my own space and illusion of privacy.

As for the scope of work, it is pretty boring. But I am new enough that I do not have the urge to gouge my eyes out and shove them in my ears. So that is an improvement from my last job.

I know some of the employees are fishing to find out personal stuff about me. There is speculation about my sexual orientation because I have MKD down as my beneficiary and we have a joint checking account in addition to living together. I was hesitant to come out so quickly until I feel people out more, but there are a couple of employees that my gaydar went off the charts with, so I think I will be fine in that regard. Coming out is a process that you constantly have to perform over and over. The not-so-fun part of being “gay” in addition to religious persecution and other ‘moral’ subjugations.

Anywho, that concludes my life in a nutshell of where I have been. I apologize for being absent on many people’s blogs and will try and catch up when I can. Hopefully work won’t keep me too busy…

Newness

2006-09-21T16:27:00.000-05:00

I got a new job which pays more and I work less than my current employment. Considering I have been looking around for another job, it wasn’t rocket science in figuring out what my next station in life will be. I start in October and will have to be the ‘model’ employee for a while. No more sleeping in and coming in late for me…damn. But it will be hard leaving some of the people I like working with. I have gotten a lot of supportive remarks from people who find the notion bittersweet. I was also told that I am “hyper-competent” (word apparently invented in my honor) and will be very much missed.

I also had to renew my license and get a new photo since the big 2-6 birthday is coming up. This photo did not turn out as nice as my last one. Now I am stuck with it until 2011. The old photo landed me compliments and people hitting on me. This one will definitely be glanced over. At least I won’t have the 800 lbs. bouncers stalk me anymore.

Double Penetration

2006-09-11T20:06:00.000-05:00

On Friday night, I got pulled over for speeding as MKD and I were heading home from a bar. It was just my luck that the cop was the biggest asshole fuckhead imaginable. Yes, I was speeding, but so were the other cars around me. I was the only dumb one to slow down and get caught while everyone else sped away faster than I was going. I have been pulled over before and know that cops do not have to have the prickish demeanor that this guy had. It was a mixture of a superiority complex coupled with a seething temper and the desire to have more Action in his life. Hell, if he can make assumptions about me, I can do the same for him.

The speed limit was 35 and the cop supposedly clocked me at 54. He felt the need to shine his flashlight directly into my eyes the whole time so I never got a look at his face. He interrogated me about where I had been, where I was going, and what I had been doing. I had one drink earlier in the evening about 5 hours prior to driving. Jerk cop didn’t believe me and gave me a breathalyzer and got all pissy when he dropped it and had to get a new straw thingy. Whatever. I am sure I blew a 0.000 and I hope he felt like an asshole.

So the citation was 80 dollars and I looked it up and found out that two points come along with that. Just when my insurance is really fucking low I have to get hit with this. Motherfucker.

The whole incident ruined me for a while that night. I looked up all the things that have affected my driving record in my driving career. My first speeding ticket was in 2002, then I got a red light ticket in 2004, and now this speeding ticket in 2006. So it seems that every two years I get caught. I will have to be extremely vigilant in 2008.

Later, about 16 hours later, I ran a red light that most likely had a camera since it was a major intersection. There were reasons behind running the light and not stopping in time, but it is a 75 dollar fine with no proof that I was driving. So fuck it.

In a 24-hour period, 2 tickets and 2 points. I am not a fan of getting fucked like this.

Hello 42!

2006-09-08T06:52:00.000-05:00

As of last night, MKD and I are now proud owners of this gem:
If we had gotten anything bigger, we would probably burn our retinas.

Play that jingle one more time, Mister DJ

2006-08-31T17:59:00.000-05:00

An ode MKD and I have been singing to each other…

Happy peanut song
Over chocolate covered mountain tops
And waterfalls of caramel
Prancing nougat in the meadow
Sings a song of satisfaction
To the world

The world…

The devil represent

2006-08-22T07:28:00.000-05:00

I noticed that my counter is getting dangerously close to “6666.” Is that like a mutant devil or some extra growth? Who knows the significance, but I think that lucky visitor should note him or herself and be proud.

Note: my counter is set to track ‘unique’ visitors, not how many times someone can click on the ‘Refresh’ button to make their stats seem higher. Cheaters.

Since we're on the topic of "666," do you know what "6669" stands for?
[The devil doing the 69.]

What does "6.9" stand for?
[A 69 interrupted by a period.]

Ha! Those are just a couple of jokes to entertain your family, friends, and co-workers. I'm here all week! But rest assured, I am not quitting my day job.

I made a funny

2006-08-21T01:13:00.000-05:00

The other day I thought of a funny palindrome. Well, at least funny to me:

No parts strap on
-or-
Strap on no parts

Heh. I will let you speculate as to how I came up with that one.

Signs

2006-08-03T21:42:00.000-05:00

A trip to the grocery store the other night began with seeing this:

Heh. ‘Home Goo’…I love it when certain bulbs in signs go out.

Anywho…typical grocery routine and then went to check out. I made a beeline for the shortest line which had a very large (wide-large not tall-large) cashier. After putting everything on the conveyor belt, I saw the sign, “Trainee.” Crap. No wonder the line was suspiciously short.

“Aw, fuck,” I mumbled.

I then reasoned with myself that everyone deserves a chance and that she probably will be the next employee of the month or some shit like that. Besides, the guy in front of me seemed to not have any problems and the transaction was going smoothly for him.

But lo and behold, the bitch must’ve gotten tired when it got to my turn (I already mentioned the large nature, yes?) because she literally threw all my shit into the weak plastic bags to the point where the handles are useless because it was filled beyond capacity.

I didn’t say anything because I know what it’s like to work in that environment and know that if one customer ticks you off it ruins your whole shift. So I bit my tongue and maintained my polite demeanor.

So the moral of this rant: Optimism will lead you to broken eggs.

Oh, how I love mammimals!

2006-08-01T23:17:00.000-05:00

These pictures were sent in an email forward (subject: Overdose Victims) which then caused my insides to melt and triggered an overwhelming desire to cuddle with something furry and squeeze it to death.

Can't...stand...cuteness...

Too...much...to...handle...

Blast from the Past – Part I

2006-07-25T18:57:00.000-05:00

I have been meaning to start a “Blast from the Past” series because I have been coming across a lot of people from my past as of late. Maybe it has something to do with my reoccurring dreams set in high school that are calling people out or forewarning me. I don’t know why I have been regressing to earlier years, but it freaks me out. Don’t even get me started on deja vu.

On to the rant…

When I first started working, my boss and I found out that I went to high school with his daughter (I was a year older and knew who she was). It was a strange coincidence and weirded me out throughout the years. Then today my boss came into my office and told me a story about his friend that lives in his neighborhood that his sons also hang out with. It turns out that ‘his friend’ was my first boyfriend, CS, from middle school. I had to freak out. The world is too fucking small.

The stranger thing is that I was thinking of CS the other day and how lame we were in middle school with dating, etc. I tried to see if he was on MySpace because almost everyone and their grandmother has a MySpace account. But he did not have one. Incidentally, I did find a lot more people from the past and will get into those later in the series.

CS and I dated for a few months and went to the school dances together. The only other time I saw him outside of school was on a double date to the movies in which we snuck into Home Alone 2 (pathetic, I know). The only thing I have left from our relationship is a cassette of Whitney Houston’s version of “I Will Always Love You” (from when she actually had a career). Later, he broke up with me by telling other people that he was breaking up with me. So I had to hear it from everyone but him.

I can look back on the past and laugh about a lot. Oh, how much I have grown (in every meaning of that sentence). You could not pay me enough to go back to the middle school years. Those are some of the most awkward and horrible times ever.

All in a day’s work

2006-07-21T20:20:00.000-05:00

I recently won a free luncheon from Quiznos for my office. Quite frankly, I dropped my business card in the drawing box because if I didn’t get rid of them in this manner, they are used as scrap paper. Seriously.

It really surprised me when I received the phone call saying I won. I am not lucky when it comes to winning things, and this is the *biggest* thing I have ever won. I think prior to this, it was a stuffed animal of a snake which Mikie has henceforth torn apart.

The luncheon does come with a catch though. It is sponsored by (insert financial institution here) and therefore means we have to sit through a promotional presentation in order to partake of the “free” food. But when it comes to free, there can’t be too much complaining, right?

So I rallied up all the people in my office (all 14 of them…the luncheon is for up to 15 people) to let me know what they wanted. Sadly, this event is HUGE since nothing else happens daily. The only other thing we have to look forward to is cake at the end of the month for whoever’s birthday happens to fall in that month. It’s quite sad really. So take that and add the worst possible work environment and bosses you can think of and that equals my work place. Therefore, this luncheon will boost morale from -6.7% to 0.47%. I did the math.

I am already having panic attacks over the whole bit because no one converses when it does not deal with work issues. I am already envisioning an awkward scene with people eating together and having no idea what to talk about with a bunch of *strangers* that they work with day in and day out. So I imagine there will be abundant discussions over the weather and polite smiles flashed throughout. Then I will be the center of attention since I provided the luncheon and everyone will look toward me for witty banter and entertaining conversation topics. I am such an introvert, so situations like these wear me out.

At least I can escape back to my office when it’s all said and done. This whole luncheon thing will be the hot topic of office discussion…until Cake day. Cake day trumps everything.

Lost the Balance

2006-07-13T22:04:00.000-05:00

Work has been killing me this week. So much to the point where I did not check blogs or emails since last Friday! But there was some down time today and I finally got caught up on life. Sorta.

A lot of people did not update their blogs, which was nice because it was on to the next blog on my list. I was clicking away until I hit my favorite pirates’ blog. They went batshit and posted like a bagillion times. So I commented on only one. I suppose the first line of my comment could apply to all the posts because they are just awesome like that. Then I later discovered that my better half has acquired quite a large readership from all this publicity over how awesome she is. With this newly gained popularity, stalkers will appear and she will find one better than me. But then again, she has attained the “National” status and maybe will start to believe all the compliments that I give her are true.

As for emails, I found out that my friend of 24 years is going to have a baby girl around Christmas. But the kicker of the situation is that he did not send me this email of the joyous news himself…no…his father did. I find out more things that are going on from his father than I do from him. After all, I found out about Paul’s death from his dad too. Maybe I need new friends. Either that or we both need to find that little button in our brains that reads, “Push for Effort.”

Hawaii 2006

2006-06-22T05:36:00.000-05:00

The Hawaii trip was really great and MKD and I got to do more touristy things than last year. Plus, not only did we stay longer, but we stayed at a nicer hotel. To give you an idea, here is the view from our balcony overlooking Waikiki:

We got to visit the aquarium:

The Botanical Gardens:

Go snorkeling at Hanauma Bay:

And eat at our favorite local shack (complete with Shave Ice) off the side of the road:

Oh and there were so many lizards and geckos everywhere!
This one crawled right on my sister and I now refer to her as “The Lizard Whisperer.”

I think I am still jet lagged and I loathe being at work. Plus, the weather here is shitty compared to what we were spoiled with. Thunderstorms for a week? That is just unacceptable.

I be out

2006-06-07T19:07:00.000-05:00

I’ve been slacking on the blogging, I know. But really, the only things of note that have occurred in recent memory are that my computer died at work from unknown causes, and I almost caught the apartment on fire. See? Nothing has been happening.

But the real reason for this post is to let everyone know that I will have a valid excuse for not blogging for a couple of weeks. I will be in Hawaii! Granted there will be a lot of family stuff and funerals (main reason we are going). But the trip was paid for by my lovely parents, which totally rocks.

The dog has left the apartment to be watched by MKD’s family, and the cat and the gecko will remain in the apartment. I will miss all my babies terribly and leave them in friends’ good care.

I will catch up with life in the fast lane and everyone’s blogs when I return to the mainland. In the meantime, I bid you all adieu!

Robot reporting for duty

2006-05-24T16:55:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I had my two-year review at work. As usual, I was described as a “hardworking, stellar employee” who gets “work finished in a timely manner,” is a “team player” and “well-liked by everyone,” and submits work that is “high quality.” I am killing readers with quotes to stress the bullshit that later occurred. So what was the complaint??? That I do not put in enough “face time.” The office hours are 8:30 to 5:00 p.m. So the times when I stay late, work from home after hours, or on the weekends apparently goes unnoticed. In fact, shame on me for being available 24/7 and working other than 8:30 to 5:00 Monday through Friday.

Well, as you can guess this one criticism is what prevented me from obtaining a raise I am entitled to (and I already am underpaid because I am young, blah, blah, blah…attack of ageism). So now I am a robot. I get here at 8:30 and leave at 5:00. No more working outside those times since face time is all that matters.

Oh and guess what? I got here at 8:30 a.m. today and no one was fucking here!!!

Fuckers.

The special “man” in my life

2006-05-23T21:10:00.000-05:00

Introducing…Angus Ron McKitty!!!

He is adorable and cuddly and as sweet as can be. I love him so much, which is a bonus since I realize there is a good chance we will be together when I am in my 40s (that is a very scary thought). But do not acknowledge in his presence how cute the beauty mark near his mouth is, or his sissy mewing noises. He will use his claws to regain some of his manliness. I have scars to prove it.

In fact if you look really closely, you can see some scars/battle wounds healing on my right side.

BTW, this is dedicated to Chicken (AKA Non-gf) since I owe her some skin (I expect to see entire boobies next, damnit!), and for MKD since she snapped the shot of her favorite part of me. Or as she would call it, “her property.”

And then there was none

2006-05-22T00:50:00.000-05:00

Tonight is the series finale of Alias. It will be a sad night for me. Two more hours of new footage and then (poof), all gone. No more new episodes. No more scantily clad Sydney Bristow kicking all sorts of ass and displaying those fine dimples. Sigh.

How much longer do I have to wait for the entire series to be released on DVD??? I feel withdrawal already starting to set in.

Must find new preoccupation to fill the void…

Short, like me

2006-05-17T18:28:00.000-05:00

As many of you know, my better half is away on a business trip. Oh, and we got a digital camera! There have been many photos/videos taken of the animals as well as some naughty ones of us. MKD has shared some, and I will too (when I stop being lazy). So keep your shirt on, Chicken! No wait…take it off!!!

On a side note, does anyone know how to post video clips without having to become a member of some service? Blogger needs to work on that.

The List has been revised

2006-05-04T20:42:00.000-05:00

I am making revisions to my List (see Archives for January 5, 2006 post, entitled, “Caution: Extremely Hot”) and taking off the lovelies, #s 2 and 3. In their places, I am submitting:

new #2. Stephanie March
AKA that hot lawyer from Law & Order: SVU, who can now be found on Conviction (side rant: I hate how this show is on Friday nights). I recently had a dream that she totally came onto me and I turned her down! WTF? I knew it was a dream, but still did not want to be unfaithful to MKD (which proves that I really love her more thereby ending our perpetual debate). So now that she is on my list, let’s hope for prophetic dreams.

new #3. Sara Foster
AKA that hot chick, Amy, from D.E.B.S. If you haven’t seen the movie, then you just would not understand.

$%^@#!!!

2006-04-28T22:21:00.000-05:00

This was my response to a failed purchase from eBay. Let's just say Microsoft 2, Asianpixie 0. Damn.

Let me back up a bit. Freakscout recommended this really awesome game that I decided to purchase for my Xbox. I rarely use my Xbox because the first person, 360-degree games make me dizzy and nauseous, and 99% of the games available are like this. So when my friend told me about Alien Hominid, I was thrilled that there is a 2D game with super cute characters. In fact, this was the first Xbox game I was actually excited about.

[On a side note, I am really considering selling my Xbox and games since I rarely use it. It is more of a dust catcher at this point. If you are interested, let me know.]

So I went in search of this game and found it for Xbox from a seller in the UK. I bid on it and won since I was the only bidder. After a week of waiting, the game finally arrived and I was like a kid on Christmas morning. I pop it in my Xbox and get an error message. The damn machine cannot read the disc because (after investigating later) the UK utilizes PAL format, and the US uses NTSC format. The two are not compatible. Motherfucker.

Granted, I should have been more careful when ordering and read the fine print. But I was too excited and impulsive and alas, learn from my mistakes. But really, it should have been in large fucking print, "PAL FORMAT WORKS ONLY IN EUROPE!!!" Just like on condom wrappers, there needs to be bold, large print, "99.9% EFFECTIVE!!!" You know, for us impulsive, excited people that are thinking more about satisfying our id than doing research or thinking.

In the end, I am out 20 bucks. I should have just taken a 20-dollar bill, ripped it into pieces that are half the width of your pinky nail, then taken a big, fat, diarrheal shit all over it. So since my money went to something completely useless, if you or someone you know lives in Europe, has an Xbox, and wants this game (lot of conditional statements), let me know.

Oh and if you are wondering why Microsoft is up 2 and I have 0, the second point was scored when I purchased a computer back in the day with Windows ME as the operating system. 'Nuf said.